damn...!

No,
I'm not 
waiting 

-for you to 
call- 

No I never 
wait 
at all- 

I'm trying to 
remember 
What the "wise people" 
say 
In the books 
about this...
relationships- 

do I call 
do I wait 
do I play 
     some game 
some set up
some clever 
     manipulation 
something "wise People" say 
     should be done 
at such a time 
such a juncture 
such a turning point 
in a relationship 
(starting to be 
taken for granted)
(beginning to be 
expected to be there)

Could it be that 
I've never 
gotten past 
     this point?
in a relationship 
-note to self-
never-
admit that!
  

and what you said 
the other day 
how could that possibly 
have been 
appropriate 
in what world?
on whose planet?
Do we talk about 
     this?
Do I yell and scream?
Do I walk the floor...
(I should be walking it 
with a broom)
Do I write about it?
Which does help,
     but not very much. 
Do I profess
     not to care?
I'm treading air
     here. 

How could all this trouble 
be 
possibly 
worth it?

oh yeah,
I forgot 
the 
blue 
eyes...

     damn...!

dance partner...

Never to dance 
     with you
          again- 

What were you 
     thinking  
          old man? 

One slashed 
     tire 
One smashed 
     window 

And never again 
     may I 
Dance the perfect 
     Dance 
Waltz the perfect
     Waltz 

Float across the 
     floor 

Spin elegantly 
     to perfectly timed 
          music 
Matching movements
     with- 

Flying across 
     the floor 
          on our feet 

What were you 
     thinking 
To throw this 
     all away 

Never again 
     to be transported 
     to that particular 
          heaven 

Long ago 
     I learned 
          to prioritize- 

Heaven versus 
     revenge or jealousy 
          or ego 

Heaven should win 
     every time 

That may be 
     why we're 
          here 

They say- 

To learn 
     that 
Particular 
     Lesson 

The one about 
     Heaven 
and what 
     we really 
          want 

What we long for 
What we need 

Those little bits 
     of Angel Wings 
Which brush 
     up against us 
          so lightly 

If we don't remember 
     to remember- 
If we have ears but 
     don't listen- 

Eyes but don't 
     see- 

Well then, what's left 
     for you- 
          for me? 

Secret pleasure, secret peace

Writing on iPhone 

At Starbucks

With small coffee 

And cookie

Guilty pleasure

Stolen moments 

In my own simple way

Tire slashed

Window broken

Restraining order straining

Straining to contain 

The crazyness of him

What karma have I done

Or left undone

To merit 

Such attention

God grant me peace

I now know 

How precious that is

Not having to wonder

What next, what next,

Behind which bush 

     Will he be 

      Lurking?

And so I sip my latte

Slowly 

Treasuring 

A few moments 

Of peace 

Of secret pleasure

too busy lately for tv

my life 
has been too busy 
lately 
for tv

what does this 
say about 
me 

I still pay 
the big bucks 
for the cable 
snake 
to come into 
my house 
and tell me 
what it's 
all about 

but 
i'm not listening 
so much 
anymore 

different things 
to do
real things 
including you... 

I find that the 
breeze still blows 
without someone 
telling me 
how fast 
and how much- 
the weather now 
is a bit of a surprise
but I do miss the guys 
The local weather guys...

I know- 
find them on the Internet 
I probably can... 
so many things
left undone... 

people tell me 
do 
this 
or 
that 

the ex-boyfriend 
the rat!!
do this 
do that 
serve the papers 
lock the door 

what have we
come here for ?
Life, 
I mean
(of course)
is it to squabble and fight
is it to scare 
     one another 
and threaten 
and pout 

to people "unclear 
on the concept"
we're supposed to be 
seeing 
our connection 
to the whole
to the love within 
to the God above 

not taking out 
restraining orders 
not watching people 
     killing each other 
     endlessly 
          on tv

but I do miss 
     "Castle"
(mystery show on tv) 
I don't care who 
killed anyone 
I just like 
watching 
him 
:-) 
  

Dear Arthur...(as in Arthur Murray)

dancing
the way it 
"should be done"
or the way 
"I want to do it"

How much trouble 
will I get in 
when I 
spin and turn 
"out of bounds"
this is not the way 
this is not for today 
this is not following 
this is leading 
and getting away 

getting away with it 
so far -
music dictates 
I must move 
and not wait 
for 
some step 
some pattern to be 
memorized and remembered 
some correctness 
some trophy 

excuse me 
I am 
"in the moment" 
I must move 
I must spin 
I cannot wait 
for someone 
to tell me how it 
     must be 

oh I am a rebel 
me 

Flint and Steel

How to tell 
the scientist 
that God lives 
within us 

that atoms and 
     molecules 
are held together 
with glue 
     of such 

that the body 
is a floating island 
of peace
and bliss  
if one could only 
see 
it
if one could only 
be 
it 

someone whose life 
has been lived 
outward 

-being asked 
to look 
inward

someone whose mind 
runs like a spinning 
turbine 
asked 
to 
still 
it

asked to watch 
it 
stop

When I think 
of all the years 
I've put in 
at this 

puzzling out 
a puzzle 
prying at the Gordian knot 

I realize 
that patience 
is the name 
of the game 

but impatience 
is the fire 
which lights up 
inside us 

wanting 
to
know 

the two of these
forces 
collide inside 
striking a spark 

like flint 
and steel

lighting the dry 
brush 
of our devotion 

to our chosen 
ideal   

We All Come To Zen, in the end...

We all come to Zen 
     in the end... 

Short term memory 
     first 
Why, 
     did I 
     come in 
     here?

Then the doddering old 
     Zen-walk
     
Like the old zen-guy 
     in the zen painting 
     walking with a stick 
dressed-
     in his bathrobe 

We all come to Zen 
     in the end 
Sitting on a 
     back porch 
With time 
     to gaze 
     and contemplate 

That's about all 
     the body 
     does well 
At this point!

We all come to Zen 
     in the 
     end 

Gardening 
     feeding Goldfish 
     in the pond 

Waiting 
     just waiting 
For inspiration 
     to strike 

Eating our fill of 
     vegetables 
          and rice 
That's about all we 
     can digest 
          anymore 

Note to self;
     get more zen-bowls
     and chop sticks 
So it will look like 
     we meant 
           to do it 
           this way