Sweet Suicide/Drowning in Honey

Sweet Suicide 

     -then this longing 

          for you 

Would be done 

     -One bullet 

          more or less 

          to the head 

Would kill the heart 

          as well 

Then this longing 

     for you 

     would be done 

This crazy love gone-

Things back to normal 

     again 

(but I'd be dead)

I hate you 

     for causing 

          This pain 

This heart writhing slowly 

     in its 

          opening 

I hate you for being 

     close to me 

For allowing 

     this love 

     to build 

Yell at me 

     shove me 

          away 

Do not say 

     such sweet things 

     as you do 

If you open 

     another damned 

          door 

     for me- 

I will scream 

I will fall 

     at your feet 

     and wail 

What black magic 

     is this 

     What Svengali

What Sorcerer's 

     Apprentice

are you?

To take this lonely 

     freedom 

and trap it 

and tame it 

I rebel 

I will not be caught 

    in this velvet net 

    I will resist it 

To drown in honey 

was not part 

     of my plan 

Damn you-

I cannot 

     run 

(and I wouldn't miss 

this - for the world)

Royal Baby

Dear Royal Baby
God and Goddess
     bless

What a life you will be
     born into
I truly
     wish you the
          best

The Pressures
     will be enormous
But your parents
     are good folks

People think it would be fun
     to be born
a royal princess
     or prince

-But it's a lot
     to give up
-never to walk
     on the beach
-on a whim

never to kiss ... him
     in the parking lot
of the grocery store
     with homeless people
watching

and what a kiss!

the fleeting pleasures
     of the
common folk
     you will
never know

-but you'll have
     other stuff
that you can do

stuff the rest of us
never could

everybody's different
everybody has their stuff

but just remember for me
     will you
that God/Goddess
     lives within

-has a home
     in the heart
of each one of us
     -Royalty
or common folk

The true and eternal Royalty
is this
the light, the bliss, the love
eternal

Really is-
within

rebound

You gotta get 'em 
     on the rebound 
When else,
     I ask, 
Are they 
     Available?
When else 
     are they 
          vulnerable?

           The Big Strong Men...

And as we get older, Yes. 
The field becomes 
     less and less 
They are not 
     thick on the ground 
Not so many "nice guys"
     around. 

So girls, 
     get out 
          your nets 
Get ready 
     and get set 

If you really want to 
     find one 
-A really nice and 
     kind one 

Don't be subtle 
     Don't be coy 
Get up, get out 
     to find the joy 

On the other hand, I'm sure...
They are a lot of trouble, 
     I've been told, 
Maybe better not-
     to be so bold 

And just calmly watch
     the rebound 
     flying past- 

Returning to the
     Zen-like life

With Flowers and Ferns 
     Watered 
          in turn... 

What Have I Done?

what have I done 
     this time... ?
I try to do things right 
but somehow lose sight 
somehow stumble out
run back in and try 
     again 

my friend says 
     "grow up"
but what about my dedication 
to Mr Pan and Never, Never Land ?

there are certain things 
that saved us 
growing up alone 
certain things that helped us 
     survive 
that troubled 
     time 

But now they expect me to 
     be 
     adult about it... 

Poo I say 
Begone 
Go Away 

and I have something 
else to say- 

The Tao 
that cannot be played with 
     is not the true 
     Tao     :)       . . .

Sweet torture, Blessed torment...

Sweet torture 
     Blessed torment 
The touch of his hand 
     The look, the smile 

Oh that smile-
     Driving the dagger
     Deeper-

Mercilessly-
     like the tide-
          like the moon,
               revolving-

larger - by far 
     
    than 
          
          I 
               am

The Velvet Net

The Velvet Net 
     descends 
          bit by bit
I can feel it- 
     one soft rope 
          at a time 

Surrounding- 
     astounding...

Every door he opens 
     for me 
each small, loving, 
     consideration 
Brings me 
     one step closer 
     to complete 
          annihilation.

Who knew 
     such small things
Were designed 
     by them, the men,
     to accomplish 
          such things- 
To cast this net- 
     laced with hopes 
     and dreams. 

The last one 
     nearly destroyed me 
     I feared for my life
          -literally-

This one may destroy me too 
     in another way- 
     a better way-


I anticipate 
     
     my destruction...

India

The Statistics say...

I had a reader from India 
  today 

mother India 
...a place I have 
never been 

except, of course, 
in spirit- 
Ramakrishna, Yogananda 
Thank you, 
so very much 
for coming here... 

and the Beatles too 
for you see, 
without you,
I never would have known
The Bliss, The Peace, 
The Presence.

Back in the day 
long ago 
and far away. 

I was searching 
     for God 
Looking here, there 
and everywhere... 

The Beatles had been 
to see 
the Maharishi 
and so 

I got my flower 
and my thirty-five dollars 
(a lot of money to me, at the time)
and a pretty white-brand new hankie

I still remember that room 
with drapes and quietness 
with incense and kind people present 
and when I meditated with them 
there was this pin-point of light 
way down within my presence 

and almost a sound 
like a little clear bell 
and a feeling 
like being home again 
after so long 
away 

Well that was a long time ago - now -
but I will always thank John, Paul, George, and Ringo 
     for making it so 
for without their publicity 
I'm sure the local chapter of the TM folks 
would never have been

I was so young 
The parents wouldn't let me 
     drive at night 
So Dad went with me 
     But he never went in 
Just sat in the lobby 
     patiently 

I didn't know then 
How special that was 
     or how kind 
We don't always know 
     when we're young... 

But now I formally thank you, father,
     for doing such a thing 
I'm sure you had to work 
     the next day- 

You enabled me 
     to begin a journey 
(I knew Mom would never 
     let me go to India-then)

Full circle 
     it seems 
If life is a dream 
     -Mine is getting better 
          of late 

and it all comes back 
     to that- 
That little white light 
     which has grown bright 
And now 
     is the love 
     Of my life 

Thank you 
India