Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Ramblings on July 31

living on the edge 
     between 
reality and dreams 
Plans and Schemes...

Knowing we are dying 
     day by day 

Knowing how close death is 
     and how 
          irrevocable

longing for the 
     sweet cessation 
          of all 
               activity 

Waiting for the 
     Lord 

-To come walking 
     by 
And take me 
     with you 
          -please-

Knowing 
     there is still 

More to do 

Trying to work up 
     Some enthusiasm 
          for this-

Hoping for some energy- 
     to continue- 

Not caring much 
     either way-

Wanting the bliss 
     of Krishna 
to descend 

Remembering when- 

Knowing that one 
     must make 
          the supreme effort 

to sit down 
     and watch it 

     come around 

Why is stillness 
     so much trouble?

Why are the currents all 
     running 
     the other way? 

Why?, Why?, Why?,

I cry 
I sit and sing 
a kirtan song 
     or two or three 

Just to be 
     with thee- 
     my Lord 

for some time 

for a little time 


Please 

make it more 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Tango Tonight

Tango tonight 
and 
What will I wear?

Tango tonight 
and 
Will he be there?

Tango tonight 
and 
That other one Too...

Will he be there
And will I care?

Sometimes I dance 
     with a woman- 
The Tango is not 
     discriminatory- 

Sometimes, at home,
     I dance alone

Sometimes you hold me 
     close 
Sometimes not

Sometimes 
     I lose myself 
     in a cloud 
     of dance 
     and closeness 

-Hang on 
     and close my 
           eyes 

Hear the music 
Feel the music

concentrate between
     reality 
and 
     dream 

float and fly 
and glide

together...   

Sweet Nothing or Sweet Something

And so 
     you say 
All these
     Sweet Nothings 
Just to turn 
     a poor girl's 
          head 

Are they Nothings 
     or are they 
     Somethings 

And how would 
     anyone 
     ever know?

Where is the 
     manual?

Where is the 
     book?

Where is the 
     lie detector 
          test?

And what will I 
     be left with?

When all is 
     said and done-

Words being 
     just words 
          after all 

And men being 
     What they 
          are.....! 


Friday, July 26, 2013

friends getting married...

friends getting married- 
wanting me to marry them- 

should i council them to 
     run far, run fast 
as my experience would 
     lead one to believe 

but then, there's the whole 
     companionship thing...

and another friend 
     who's being forcibly evicted 
from his love affair 
     (and I do mean lawyers- 
          with papers)

and another 
who 
really needs 
to start 
the process
and stop 
the yelling 

and u asking to 
take me to dinner
to begin 
some sort 
of silliness 

will we never learn- 

but, could it be 
that this is 
     how we 
          learn? 

put the heart out 
on the sleeve 
-wave it around 
in the worldly breeze 
and 
the powers that be 

will use it to 
     teach us 
use it 
to reach us 

whether we will 
     or no




Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tonight, we'll dance...

Tonight 
     we'll dance 
and we will see 
if we fit together 
-easily- 

What have you learned 
in your expensive classes 
What have I learned 
     on the cheap

can these two styles 
be combined 
to create 
a synchronous dance

I will put on my 
     worn dance shoes 
with the developing 
     hole in the toe
     and loose heel 

how many miles have they 
     gone so far 
-how many dances 
     they've done
-how many arms 
     i've been held in 

but tonight 
     it will be your arms 
     around me 

I'll try not to kick you 
     I promise you that 
I will balance 
     ever so lightly 
turn 
     ever so brightly 

I will bring what passion I can 
     to the Tango 

  

A Gemini Talks to Herself

You know how 
     you are 
you'll ruin it 
You ruin 
     everything-
                
                                    Yes, I know,
                                     but I could 
                                     fake it 
                                     for awhile 
                                     just to see 
                                     his smile 
                                     one more time 
                                     or
                                     more than once 
                                           maybe...

You haven't 
     got a clue 
what to do 

                                     True..
                                      but maybe 
                                      just relax 
                                      and let him 
                                            lead 

You can't relax 
You're scared 
     to death 
You're poised 
     to run 

                                      Run toward-
                                      or away 

far, far
     away 

                                       Yes, 
                                             Start to pack
                                        And 
                                              Don't look back 

                                        But what about 
                                        his touch 
  
                                         I must stay near 
                                               enough
                                         for his hand
                                               to reach 

                                         near enough to 
                                               see his eyes
                                         And hear his voice

Like that dog
with that Victrola?
Have a little 
     self respect-
Don't let your 
     guard down 
     so quickly 

                                          That guard 
                                                 has been dead 
                                                 a long time 
                                           R.I.P.
                                           I give it up 
                                                 to God 

Only 
     don't know 
Trust the 
     Tao... 
                                  
                                          

Sweet Suicide/Drowning in Honey

Sweet Suicide 
     -then this longing 
          for you 
Would be done 
     -One bullet 
          more or less 
          to the head 
Would kill the heart 
          as well 

Then this longing 
     for you 
     would be done 
This crazy love gone-
Things back to normal 
     again 
(but I'd be dead)

I hate you 
     for causing 
          This pain 
This heart writhing slowly 
     in its 
          opening 
I hate you for being 
     close to me 

For allowing 
     this love 
     to build 

Yell at me 
     shove me 
          away 
Do not say 
     such sweet things 
     as you do 
If you open 
     another damned 
          door 
     for me- 
I will scream 

I will fall 
     at your feet 
     and wail 

What black magic 
     is this 
     What Svengali
What Sorcerer's 
     Apprentice
are you?

To take this lonely 
     freedom 
and trap it 
and tame it 

I rebel 

I will not be caught 
    in this velvet net 
    I will resist it 

To drown in honey 
was not part 
     of my plan 

Damn you-
I cannot 
     run 



(and I wouldn't miss 
this - for the world)

Friday, July 19, 2013

Royal Baby

Dear Royal Baby
God and Goddess
     bless

What a life you will be
     born into
I truly
     wish you the
          best

The Pressures
     will be enormous
But your parents
     are good folks

People think it would be fun
     to be born
a royal princess
     or prince

-But it's a lot
     to give up
-never to walk
     on the beach
-on a whim

never to kiss ... him
     in the parking lot
of the grocery store
     with homeless people
watching

and what a kiss!

the fleeting pleasures
     of the
common folk
     you will
never know

-but you'll have
     other stuff
that you can do

stuff the rest of us
never could

everybody's different
everybody has their stuff

but just remember for me
     will you
that God/Goddess
     lives within

-has a home
     in the heart
of each one of us
     -Royalty
or common folk

The true and eternal Royalty
is this
the light, the bliss, the love
eternal

Really is-
within


Thursday, July 18, 2013

rebound

You gotta get 'em 
     on the rebound 
When else,
     I ask, 
Are they 
     Available?
When else 
     are they 
          vulnerable?

           The Big Strong Men...

And as we get older, Yes. 
The field becomes 
     less and less 
They are not 
     thick on the ground 
Not so many "nice guys"
     around. 

So girls, 
     get out 
          your nets 
Get ready 
     and get set 

If you really want to 
     find one 
-A really nice and 
     kind one 

Don't be subtle 
     Don't be coy 
Get up, get out 
     to find the joy 

On the other hand, I'm sure...
They are a lot of trouble, 
     I've been told, 
Maybe better not-
     to be so bold 

And just calmly watch
     the rebound 
     flying past- 

Returning to the
     Zen-like life

With Flowers and Ferns 
     Watered 
          in turn... 

What Have I Done?

what have I done 
     this time... ?
I try to do things right 
but somehow lose sight 
somehow stumble out
run back in and try 
     again 

my friend says 
     "grow up"
but what about my dedication 
to Mr Pan and Never, Never Land ?

there are certain things 
that saved us 
growing up alone 
certain things that helped us 
     survive 
that troubled 
     time 

But now they expect me to 
     be 
     adult about it... 

Poo I say 
Begone 
Go Away 

and I have something 
else to say- 

The Tao 
that cannot be played with 
     is not the true 
     Tao     :)       . . .

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Sweet torture, Blessed torment...



Sweet torture 
     Blessed torment 
The touch of his hand 
     The look, the smile 

Oh that smile-
     Driving the dagger
     Deeper-

Mercilessly-
     like the tide-
          like the moon,
               revolving-

larger - by far 
     
    than 
          
          I 
               am

Monday, July 15, 2013

The Velvet Net

The Velvet Net 
     descends 
          bit by bit
I can feel it- 
     one soft rope 
          at a time 

Surrounding- 
     astounding...

Every door he opens 
     for me 
each small, loving, 
     consideration 
Brings me 
     one step closer 
     to complete 
          annihilation.

Who knew 
     such small things
Were designed 
     by them, the men,
     to accomplish 
          such things- 
To cast this net- 
     laced with hopes 
     and dreams. 

The last one 
     nearly destroyed me 
     I feared for my life
          -literally-

This one may destroy me too 
     in another way- 
     a better way-


I anticipate 
     
     my destruction...

Friday, July 12, 2013

India

The Statistics say...

I had a reader from India 
  today 

mother India 
...a place I have 
never been 

except, of course, 
in spirit- 
Ramakrishna, Yogananda 
Thank you, 
so very much 
for coming here... 

and the Beatles too 
for you see, 
without you,
I never would have known
The Bliss, The Peace, 
The Presence.

Back in the day 
long ago 
and far away. 

I was searching 
     for God 
Looking here, there 
and everywhere... 

The Beatles had been 
to see 
the Maharishi 
and so 

I got my flower 
and my thirty-five dollars 
(a lot of money to me, at the time)
and a pretty white-brand new hankie

I still remember that room 
with drapes and quietness 
with incense and kind people present 
and when I meditated with them 
there was this pin-point of light 
way down within my presence 

and almost a sound 
like a little clear bell 
and a feeling 
like being home again 
after so long 
away 

Well that was a long time ago - now -
but I will always thank John, Paul, George, and Ringo 
     for making it so 
for without their publicity 
I'm sure the local chapter of the TM folks 
would never have been

I was so young 
The parents wouldn't let me 
     drive at night 
So Dad went with me 
     But he never went in 
Just sat in the lobby 
     patiently 

I didn't know then 
How special that was 
     or how kind 
We don't always know 
     when we're young... 

But now I formally thank you, father,
     for doing such a thing 
I'm sure you had to work 
     the next day- 

You enabled me 
     to begin a journey 
(I knew Mom would never 
     let me go to India-then)

Full circle 
     it seems 
If life is a dream 
     -Mine is getting better 
          of late 

and it all comes back 
     to that- 
That little white light 
     which has grown bright 
And now 
     is the love 
     Of my life 

Thank you 
India 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Time

Waiting for inspiration
     to strike...

Day all planned
     looking forward to-
Then that
     didn't come through-

What to do
     what to do

Our time
     it is
          a precious thing


All around
     the world
each and every one of us
     only has
          so much
               of it

Not getting any sleep
     contributes too
Lying awake
     thinking of you
          and him
     and you
          again

Oh dear
     What have I done-
          again
               this time

Speaking of
     time...









 

Friday, July 5, 2013

'SHEEPS" AND WOLVES

I never understand
how the supposed leader
of a spiritual organization
can be, in fact,
so very
unspiritual...

Was it just something you wanted
     to do in your spare time?
Was it something to build the "crystal cathedral"
     and make money?

Doesn't it say we're to
     "Gather up our treasure in heaven,
     where there are no moths or thieves"?
I am at a loss...
I always have such high hopes
and such belief

-that what people say
     might be what they mean
-that it's all for the best
-that all people are pure...
     in their heart of hearts

and so
     this might be my lesson
in all of this...

get real-
the world is what it is-
and "sheeps"
    and wolves
can switch their outfits
and play dress up
as much as
they want