Monday, December 30, 2013

No tango :-(

So everyone's closed for Christmas
No tangeros, no tango
Very little magic
Very little "spirit"
     Of the season
What does gift giving and
      Shopping
Have to say
To me

I would much rather
Be
Held in your arms
Interpreting music
     And closeness

I would much rather be
Negotiating
One hundred year old floorboards
Negotiating
What you mean
By that little move
That little turn
     Of your very masculine
Shoulders

Sigh...

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

the whichness of what

the whichness of what. . . 

one day 
the being- 
had a conference 
with the others- 

all decided 
to halt all 
killing 
and general mayhem 

they knew it would 
take some study 
they knew it would 
not be easy 

so many beings 
were used to such 
a high level 
of violence 

but it was decided 
for now 
and forever 
that 
life 
without violence 
would be 
better 

schools were created 
to study the issue 
papers were written 
and shared 
beings traveled 
everywhere 

to get a consensus 
of opinion 
regarding this 
decision 
to live 
a peaceful 
life 

to give 
unto others 
and to be like 
the magi 
the really, really 
wise ones 

there was 
much opposition 
to this idea- 
rather than live in peace 
many wanted to kill 
the opposition 

opposing what?
well, various things, 
like whose God was greater 
whose monetary system 
was better 
whose way of life 
must dominate 

but the beings persisted 
in the perusal
of peace 

until they arrived 
at the unshakable conclusion 
that it really 
was better 

to all get along 
and to take care 
of the planet 
they all called 
home 

all the animals should 
be provided 
for 

the air should 
remain 
breathable 
and free 
for all 

the water should 
be pure 
and running 
down 
natural 
sweet 
streams 

no being 
should be perpetrating 
violence 
on another 

and they went 
further . . .
inside our heads 
should be 
a no-fly zone 
no flying around of
hatred and self doubt 
no negativity 
allowed 

somehow 

schools were created 
and papers were 
written 
and 
beings traveled 
everywhere 
having conferences 
and conventions 
studying this 
new 
way 
to live 

is this the future 
or has it been 
our past 

when are we 
gonna 
get it ??

Ah Zen . . .

"If you want to climb a mountain,
     start at the top."
(zen saying)

forty minutes 
     to freedom 
to floating 
     in clouds 

I need to remember 
     to stop 
     to sit.
          -still-
It's not that 
     hard 

They talk about 
     biting 
          the iron 
               ball
Yes, it is iron, 
     but who is 
          biting it 
     and why?

"Only don't know"
     just sit -
          just be - 

Allow the background 
     of being 

To follow 
     its own 
          breath 

Ah Zen . . .

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Life of Pi, life of Leela...

(upon attending a discussion, concerning a movie, looked upon 
with Freudian Analysis)

Life of Pi 
     Life of Leela... 

We all have Tigers
     in our boats 
Some of us fight harder 
     than others 

Some might acquiesce 
     and let the Tiger 
          eat us 

The Tiger being God- 

     as much 
     or as little 
     as anything 
          else

Let the Tiger 
     eat us 
     in the beginning 
to save ourselves 
     the trouble 
     of all that 
          training 

Or let the Tiger drown 
     don't build him 
     a g**-damn ladder!

Carnivores and 
     Vegetarians 
Approach things 
     from different 
          angles 

Eastern and Western 

You have a knife and 
     an oar 
Which would be a spear-

Kill the Tiger 
Tan his hide 
     for a blanket 
          for a cape 

I come from the 
     West 

-But the Tigers in 
     my boat 
          don't die 

Nor do they seem 
     to be trainable 
I throw them fish, 
     tidbits and treats 

They laugh- 

We travel together 
We dance 
We dream 

I dream 
     of one day 
being able to train 
     my Tigers 

Befriend them 
     maybe even 
          pet them 

They devour me... 

It is the story 
     of us all 

Sometimes 
     they leave me 
          alone 
Long enough 
     to escape 
to float and fly 
     and expand 
     into light 

Maybe they drive 
     me to it 
Maybe I should 
     thank them 
          for it 

I only need to 
      escape
      more often 

-We reflect back-
     Tigers, boats, oceans, 
          egos...

The Buddhists talk of 
     mirrors 

-of cleaning 
     mirrors 

-of reflections in 
     pools 

-of the moon in 
     a cloudless 
          sky 

Why? 

wax, philosophically

panic, panic, panic
all afternoon 
I work- 
access denied- 
can't access blog- 
all my work 
     gone for naught- 
naught- 
naught-
naught- 

again I try 
reset this
     and that 
deny, deny, deny

I swear off 
     computers- 
I swear off 
     writing- 

I wax philosophically 
about the old days...
-living in the DIRT!

ok,,, over emotional 
I suppose... 

but life has been 
a challenge lately 
and if I can't talk to 
     blog...
what then?

Sunday, December 1, 2013

God's fish net

Trying to catch
The goldfish with a net
And they weren't having any
Of it

They have evaded 
Raccoons for too long
To be easy prey 
For me

Even though they were being taken
To a better place
A newer, better pond 
I've made

They were running scared
Swimming hard 
To evade 
Their fate

I couldn't tell them
About the better place
They could not hear
With their goldfish
Ears

And I reflected
Pausing-
Net in hand-

Maybe that's like 
We are
Humans here 
Upon the earth
When we have to move on
When we are called to go
To that better place
And all we can do is run
-swim as fast as we can
To avoid god's net
Calling us home
Catching us
Holding us
Lifting us
To join our goldfish friends
Who have already
Gone

Dear iPhone

Dear iPhone ;  (written on the iphone)
Tomorrow u will be with me in court
But u will be silenced
No ringing to disturb the judge's gentle ears
Will he be there?
The tire slasher, window breaker

The one who professes to be
So innocent...

And with me will be
My knight

The One with the shinning armor
And the dancing, snorting steed...

The One who has stood by me
(Even when I asked him
To leave)

The One who seems to care about me
Maybe like no one ever has

The Gods send us lessons,
Some say-
Cloaked in coats and shirts
Of many colors

So iPhone,
You'll be with me
Helping to record
The way this most difficult
Of lessons
Will unfold
With many forms and filings
And so many copies
Of same










Thursday, November 21, 2013

-Tango-

-there is a poignancy 
in this 
this dance
a sad and heart stirring  
sound 

invented by boys
-young men- 
far away from home 

with no hope 
-of returning 
and in the days 
when love 
was forbidden

no family 
no hope 
no caresses 

I see it now 
I dance with young 
and old 

how long will I dance 
be able to 
how long will I dance 
with you 

our days are precious 
together 
we both are 
not young 

the dance is like that 
it calls us 
to the moment 
to stand together 
in time 

to hold each other 
against 
the long, dark 
night 

in the beam of the 
lamplight 
life
turns towards itself 
towards each other 
it tenderly embraces 
and moves through 
time 

being still in 
the moment 

how long will we 
last 
how long will we 
dance 

while the complexity 
of the modern world 
whirls 
around us 

those who don't know 
the simplest thing 
need to 
learn it 

for it is in the 
center of that space 

that there is 
a connection to 
grace  


The Embrace...

Now that 
     an illness 
          is passing 
We are weak 
     but we are 
          game 
Almost ready 
     to get back 
     into it-
          again

My Tangueros 
     Maybe they 
          have missed 
          me 
     Maybe they 
          will be 
          eager
To dance with me 
     again 

Ah the Smokey Tavern,
     (ok, without the smoke;
      it's banned)
The music will play 
     again 
And the magic 
     will be made 
The way prepared-
     for walking 
          on clouds 

The Embrace 
     of a lover 
The Embrace 
     of a mother- 
          to a babe 

The fancy footwork 
     is one thing
          -fun
But the Embrace 

Oh, my dears
     Oh my Tangeros 

The Embrace... 
     

Saturday, November 16, 2013

damn...!

No,
I'm not 
waiting 

-for you to 
call- 

No I never 
wait 
at all- 

I'm trying to 
remember 
What the "wise people" 
say 
In the books 
about this...
relationships- 

do I call 
do I wait 
do I play 
     some game 
some set up
some clever 
     manipulation 
something "wise People" say 
     should be done 
at such a time 
such a juncture 
such a turning point 
in a relationship 
(starting to be 
taken for granted)
(beginning to be 
expected to be there)

Could it be that 
I've never 
gotten past 
     this point?
in a relationship 
-note to self-
never-
admit that!
  

and what you said 
the other day 
how could that possibly 
have been 
appropriate 
in what world?
on whose planet?
Do we talk about 
     this?
Do I yell and scream?
Do I walk the floor...
(I should be walking it 
with a broom)
Do I write about it?
Which does help,
     but not very much. 
Do I profess
     not to care?
I'm treading air
     here. 

How could all this trouble 
be 
possibly 
worth it?

oh yeah,
I forgot 
the 
blue 
eyes...

     damn...!


dance partner...

Never to dance 
     with you
          again- 

What were you 
     thinking  
          old man? 

One slashed 
     tire 
One smashed 
     window 

And never again 
     may I 
Dance the perfect 
     Dance 
Waltz the perfect
     Waltz 

Float across the 
     floor 

Spin elegantly 
     to perfectly timed 
          music 
Matching movements
     with- 

Flying across 
     the floor 
          on our feet 

What were you 
     thinking 
To throw this 
     all away 

Never again 
     to be transported 
     to that particular 
          heaven 

Long ago 
     I learned 
          to prioritize- 

Heaven versus 
     revenge or jealousy 
          or ego 

Heaven should win 
     every time 

That may be 
     why we're 
          here 

They say- 

To learn 
     that 
Particular 
     Lesson 

The one about 
     Heaven 
and what 
     we really 
          want 

What we long for 
What we need 

Those little bits 
     of Angel Wings 
Which brush 
     up against us 
          so lightly 

If we don't remember 
     to remember- 
If we have ears but 
     don't listen- 

Eyes but don't 
     see- 

Well then, what's left 
     for you- 
          for me? 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Secret pleasure, secret peace

Writing on iPhone 
At Starbucks
With small coffee 
And cookie

Guilty pleasure
Stolen moments 
In my own simple way

Tire slashed
Window broken
Restraining order straining

Straining to contain 
The crazyness of him

What karma have I done
Or left undone
To merit 
Such attention

God grant me peace
I now know 
How precious that is

Not having to wonder
What next, what next,
Behind which bush 
     Will he be 
      Lurking?

And so I sip my latte
Slowly 
Treasuring 
A few moments 
Of peace 
Of secret pleasure

Sunday, October 27, 2013

too busy lately for tv

my life 
has been too busy 
lately 
for tv

what does this 
say about 
me 

I still pay 
the big bucks 
for the cable 
snake 
to come into 
my house 
and tell me 
what it's 
all about 

but 
i'm not listening 
so much 
anymore 

different things 
to do
real things 
including you... 

I find that the 
breeze still blows 
without someone 
telling me 
how fast 
and how much- 
the weather now 
is a bit of a surprise
but I do miss the guys 
The local weather guys...

I know- 
find them on the Internet 
I probably can... 
so many things
left undone... 

people tell me 
do 
this 
or 
that 

the ex-boyfriend 
the rat!!
do this 
do that 
serve the papers 
lock the door 

what have we
come here for ?
Life, 
I mean
(of course)
is it to squabble and fight
is it to scare 
     one another 
and threaten 
and pout 

to people "unclear 
on the concept"
we're supposed to be 
seeing 
our connection 
to the whole
to the love within 
to the God above 

not taking out 
restraining orders 
not watching people 
     killing each other 
     endlessly 
          on tv

but I do miss 
     "Castle"
(mystery show on tv) 
I don't care who 
killed anyone 
I just like 
watching 
him 
:-) 
  


Dear Arthur...(as in Arthur Murray)

dancing
the way it 
"should be done"
or the way 
"I want to do it"

How much trouble 
will I get in 
when I 
spin and turn 
"out of bounds"
this is not the way 
this is not for today 
this is not following 
this is leading 
and getting away 

getting away with it 
so far -
music dictates 
I must move 
and not wait 
for 
some step 
some pattern to be 
memorized and remembered 
some correctness 
some trophy 

excuse me 
I am 
"in the moment" 
I must move 
I must spin 
I cannot wait 
for someone 
to tell me how it 
     must be 

oh I am a rebel 
me 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Flint and Steel

How to tell 
the scientist 
that God lives 
within us 

that atoms and 
     molecules 
are held together 
with glue 
     of such 

that the body 
is a floating island 
of peace
and bliss  
if one could only 
see 
it
if one could only 
be 
it 

someone whose life 
has been lived 
outward 

-being asked 
to look 
inward

someone whose mind 
runs like a spinning 
turbine 
asked 
to 
still 
it

asked to watch 
it 
stop

When I think 
of all the years 
I've put in 
at this 

puzzling out 
a puzzle 
prying at the Gordian knot 

I realize 
that patience 
is the name 
of the game 

but impatience 
is the fire 
which lights up 
inside us 

wanting 
to
know 

the two of these
forces 
collide inside 
striking a spark 

like flint 
and steel

lighting the dry 
brush 
of our devotion 

to our chosen 
ideal   

We All Come To Zen, in the end...

We all come to Zen 
     in the end... 

Short term memory 
     first 
Why, 
     did I 
     come in 
     here?

Then the doddering old 
     Zen-walk
     
Like the old zen-guy 
     in the zen painting 
     walking with a stick 
dressed-
     in his bathrobe 

We all come to Zen 
     in the end 
Sitting on a 
     back porch 
With time 
     to gaze 
     and contemplate 

That's about all 
     the body 
     does well 
At this point!

We all come to Zen 
     in the 
     end 

Gardening 
     feeding Goldfish 
     in the pond 

Waiting 
     just waiting 
For inspiration 
     to strike 

Eating our fill of 
     vegetables 
          and rice 
That's about all we 
     can digest 
          anymore 

Note to self;
     get more zen-bowls
     and chop sticks 
So it will look like 
     we meant 
           to do it 
           this way 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

little poem

go out 
go out 
little poem 

go out 
and swim 
in the air 

zip around the world 
and up in the sky 

bounce off a satellite 
and then 
I'm not sure 
what you do... 

but you are caught 
and captured 
by someone 
who wants to 
read you! 

go out, go out 
little poem 
go out and get 
     some air 
I've done my best 
now I must rest 
and you 
go 
do 
what you need 
to do 

chocolate sauce...

chocolate sauce 
life needs 
chocolate sauce

too many people 
struggling here 

too many homeless 
too many hungry 
too many stuck 
     in dead end jobs 
     and such 

too many taxes 
too many forms 
too much hassle
too much sorrow 

it's advertised 
as a way out 
it's spoken of 
as the solution... 

this zen 
this sitting
this contemplation 
     of ones 
     navel- 

so simple 
so easy 
     just stop- 
     just sit- 
just allow the thoughts 
to stop thinking themselves... 

(there goes my karma- 
that little spider 
had to die.
It was racing across the desktop- 
straight for me- 
probably not poisonous 
-but one 
never knows)

such a very 
bad Buddhist... 

but 
I've come to the end- 
the end 
of trying to figure out 
the unfathomable- 

(second spider...
What?)

I've come to the end 
of believing in 
somebody else's 
stuff 

my own is 
difficult 
enough

-trying to find a corner 
in a small house 
to put the altar-

I find 
that 
the 
altar 
is in 
the heart! 

besides which 
it's a real "space saving"
idea  

counseling, for God's sake!

so now we've come 
     to this... 
counseling! 
     for God's sake

by some young 
Whipper-Snapper 
Who's never done 
     much of 
     anything

and isn't even 
out of 
school 

but it's free 

but she 
has not seen- 
does not 
know- 

how life can 
kick ones butt 
sometimes 
and drag one 
down the road... 
(have been listening to 
too much country music, 
of late)

all of these psychological 
ramifications 
mental justifications 
got me through 

I am alive 
still 

sometimes wondering 
how I survived 

how I keep on 
running 

around the 
wheel 

around the
dharma 
of us all 

so now 
we find out 
how it all works 
how all the childhood stuff 
gets amplified into 
blocks 
and such 

so I guess 
I could thank my abuser 
for abusing 
(but not too much) 
for he has caused me 
to inquire 
what the F---!  


Friday, October 4, 2013

Ear Plugs - for this place

Ear plugs 
for this place...

I thought it 
was a good idea 

coming here 

no internet at home 
thanks to you 
"giant conglomerate telecommunications 
     company" 

but really-
bringing children 
to such 
a place... 

and the lonely 
ones 
who meet here 
and yak and yak... 

and the music playing 
whether we want it or not- 
and the blenders blending

and the music 
     that they're playing 
is the old swing music 
which I just love- 
and which 
I used to dance 
with you- 
and can never do 
again 

threatening 
to "beat me up"
and you almost 
80...

Life is weird 
Probably the weirdest thing 
We'll ever live 
     through...

and so now I have promised 
never, ever, to dance another 
dance 
with you 

no one knows what a sacrifice 
     this is 
Like giving up a bit of heaven 
-so hard to find 
      upon this earth-

What were you thinking?
A little bit of jealousy 
Has you 
     coming all 
unglued?

Now we both
have to suffer 
Just because 
I broke up 
with you...

OK, I admit, 
"unclear on the concept"
might describe me 
to a tea 

sometimes I feel like 
I just crash around- 
while I tell myself 
I'm doing my 
very best- 
but really 
I don't care- 

for this world 
seems so 
unreal 
when held up to 
the inner realm 
this world seems 
far too rigid 
far too solid 
far less full 
     of love 
so much less 
     made of love 

Tango dancing 
I would keep 
most of the rest of it 
can just "take a leap"

The love I feel within 
Rumi writes about 
few people 
know about
I don't know why 

I've always wondered 
     why 
Why does it all not
Just Stop...
Until we figure this 
     out 
That there is pure love 
     within 
There for all, 
     There for free, 
Endless 
     blissful
Light 
     pouring down
becoming sound 
becoming us 
who we are 
deep 
within...