Wednesday, December 31, 2014


There is 
In the garden

There is 
     Listening -

- Time of 
     Year -

Sounds of birds -
     Sound of distant 
          Road -

It's a new year 
     Tonight !!

This year 
       I don't feel 
          It - ? - 

          It's you -
     The Mad
     The Mad
 - my dear -

Partly it's been
     Counseling -

And then 
     There was


Offering a new 
     Perspective -

          Mind . . .

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Organizing Heaven

New phone 
New buttons 
Remember old 
( yeah, right) 
Look up old password
Download new app. 

Whatever happened to 
     Paper and 
With no buttons 
And no 

The world is getting 
As we all look at little screens 
And talk to each other 
Across oceans
     With the speed of 

Maybe we can share 
     The light 
Those of us who believe 
That it is better to talk 
     To fight 

No one in my mother's 
Would have 
     It true

She used to talk about how 
Airplanes and cars and telephones
And tv 
Had been invented in her lifetime

We may all count our blessings 
That she was never quite able 
To tell the world 
What to do. 
Because -
I am sure she 
Would have 

And even more surprising -
The fact that she felt 
She had a right to -
And knew 
Better than 
All the rest of us 

May she rest in peace 

For I know she has a big 
     Job to do 
-organizing heaven !

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Look back 
Look within 

All the silliness 
     Of this world 
Will keep on 

I'm sure 
    Of that 
Of that 
     I am convinced 

Sunday, November 30, 2014


And the sky blew away 
That Day 

The deer walk quietly by 

The light rain falls 
And I 
Not at all 

Everything they ever said 
Everything I've ever read 
The existence of 
Space and time 
Here and mine 
Seems to be so true 
There really is no u 
At a time like this
All that is, is this 
This moment in time 
This energy rise-
and blowing out 
The top of ones

Now what -
I wonder 
Will all this do -
To a life -
To a person -
What does one do 
With infinity 
And love -
Who is there left 
To do anything with it 
And yet 
We must 
Go on 

In joy we 
To lunch 

Thursday, November 20, 2014


I always say . . .
I will take these cookies 
And they will 
Last all week 

I will measure them out 
So many each day 
And have great willpower 
About it

I hesitate to mention 
how many times 
I have had this same plan . . .

I hesitate to admit 
That now, on the first day 
Of contemplation 
There are only 
     A few left 

And those will do 
After dinner 

However I do not despair 
About this 
For in my great wisdom 
I know -
I have 
     Lots more things 
Of so much greater importance 
     To despair 
Much more deeply 

Bored Already

At the retreat
The worldly mind wonders 
     Why I come here 
Mine and others too -

What do you do 
There ? 
Just to meditate and walk 
And watch 
Deer walk by 
And squirrels climb 
To the sky 

To hear the rain drops 
From the high trees 
As the squirrels 
The leaves 

And a family of deer walk by 
Mom and dad and two young 

After a meditation 
Such things 
Seem to have
     deep meaning . . .

Back in town 
It is hard to 
Slow down 
Enough to hear 
The wind in the trees 
The birds call 

The freeway roar 
Tends to wash away 
Whatever quiet 
The mind has 
     Aspired to 

But here
The loudest sound 
Is in my head 
Complaining of being bored 

Sunday, November 16, 2014


Why oh why 
Did I stop by 
The thrift store 

No ordinary store -
In this one 
There are kitties 
To pet and talk to 
They have been rescued 
And can be 
Accepted into ones home 
Ones life 
Heart . . .

They can devastate ones wallet 

What was I thinking ?
To hold the little grey kitten 
On my lap 
And pet her

Luckily I'm out of town 
For a week 
And by then
Who knows -
The little grey kittie 
May have found
a new home and be
Her way in 
To someone else's 

Maybe by then I will have 
Come to my senses -
Realizing I 
Can't afford the 
Vet bills and food
And scratching posts and toys 
And cat trees -

-It could go 
Right  over there 
By that window 
She will love it 
There -

Oh dear 
I fear 
I may lose 
This particular 

If they sent kitties to the front lines
The fighting would have to 
While everyone 
Found a piece of string 
To dangle enticingly
Between various 
Of many colors
Why don't they realize 
There are better ways
To spend their time -

There are cats to save 
To say nothing of 
Kids -
And all the rest of us -
And the world -
Yes -
Better ways 
To spend your time -
Different uniforms to 

like robes 
Loving kindness

We need that 
We need it now 

Friday, November 14, 2014


The gardener today 
Didn't show 
And I'm so grateful 

Last night's silly dreams 
Wandering mind 
Now are free 
To catch up 
With me 

I have scheduled work 
And instead
I find rest -
I am able 
     To be thankful 
For such a time
Such a break 
Such a place within 
The maelstrom 
     Of life 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Tango Tonight

They seek to instruct 
They say
     It must be 
     This way 

That's what I love
About this dance 
It doesn't care what

Goes its own 

Twists and turns 
In complete rebellion to
Any sort of controlling
Or idea of

They will try to 
     Tame it 
     Train it 
And it will 
Laugh and dance 
Away from 

In this I take 
In this I find 

A pure form of
Except that it
Wants nothing 
From anyone 

It wants only
To be itself
And to include us
Within it 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Rain 2

It rained 
And it rained
And it rained
Last night

Couldn't sleep -
Lay awake listening 
To the miraculous 
Of buckets and buckets
And buckets -
Coming down 

This morning 
     I walked around -
Marveling at mother natures 
Sprinkler power -
No need to set these timers 
Or haul the hose around 
- Now if she would just do this every week -
On cue 

But -

Probably not -

Likes to 
Surprise us -

Too much so -
Sometimes washing people 
Away -

But today 
All is glistening and 
Fluffy white clouds blow over -
Chased by a friendly breeze

The hills will begin 
To green -
The mountain streams
Will pour willingly
Looking even more beautiful 
When contrasted with -
The long 

Friday, October 31, 2014


Halloween party
And it rains 
We feel the first drops -

It's been so long 
Since water has fallen from 
The sky 
Reservoirs are 
Half down 

What will life be like 
With less water -
Already lawns 
Are left to brown -

Maybe life in south 
Would become 
Not so much like 
Hollywood would 
     Have us
But more like
It actually is -

More like 
The Padres and 
     The Indians
Perceived -
More like 
Dust and 
Sky -
And seagulls

Monday, October 20, 2014


Maybe I have finally learned 
To be 

When they ask of me -
What I want 
-And what they want me 
     To want 
I can shrug and smilingly say 
     What - ever 
I can answer nothing 
     And then be 

I have learned 
They don't listen 

They want what they want -
They are 
Type A's 

I am only here
Because I'm here 
I don't really care
Either way 

Oh yes 
I should be 
About it !
I'm not -

Sometimes I try 
To care 
I don't -

And I love this 
New way 
Of looking at things 

The lord God made us all -
So let her 
Worry about 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Unintended Consequences

Getting myself 
Out on a limb again 
I always do 

It's this blogging business 
I know 
There will be 
Unintended consequences 

There always are 

Like my friend 
The NASA scientist 

-And they were dealing with 
Space flight -
-And really complicated mathematical 
Things -

It boggles the mind
I can't imagine 

And even they -
With billions of dollars 
Of budgets and things 
unintended consequences 

To contend 


Leave me, love 
For then I would know 
What to do 
I can morn I can cry 
I can feel 
Very sorry 
For myself 
I know how to do 
-had a lot 
Of practice 
With it 
Many years 
     To perfect 

But not this 
Not this patience 
This caring 
This sweetness 
How to deal 
With it 
How to 
Be good enough 
For it 
Please, please 
     Go away 
So I don't have to grow 

Don't have to know 
The true pain 
Of eventually 
Being without you 
Through death or some other circumstance 

     Being what they are 
And seemingly 

With inexorable 
Crushing karma 

I need another 
Starbucks coffee 

     obviously. . .

The Train

What can I say 
About today 
These days seem to 
Run together
Like a train 

All connected to one 
But with no 
To tell us when 
We are leaving 
The station. 
Instead we must guess 
And wonder about the 
Departure time 
And the destination 

We are pulled 
By gravity 
Like a Diesel engine 
By time 
By fate 

What can I do 
About that 
How hard should I try 
To try 
Or should I sit back 
And sigh 
The ticket has been 
And we will arrive 
When we 

Tuesday, September 30, 2014


Is anybody out there ?
What do u think ?
Am I wasting my time ?

But not .

I enjoy 
This -

I imagine an audience 

Someone reading 
In cyberspace 

I sometimes wish 
I knew
Who they are 
And do they tune back in ?
Or just 
     Laugh and leave 

Looking for the porn sites -
Which R a lot 
More fun 

I suppose 
I wouldn't know 
Having always been 
Too serious 
By far 

Thinking there's an answer 
For who we are 
And where 
We find ourselves 


Sunday, September 28, 2014

The Calling

The talk today . . .
In church today
     -About being all we can
     -Doing all we want to
          What that is

I am inspired -
As I lay upon
     My couch -
For this is something
I Truely
Do -

To lie
Within the influence
The little
Air conditioner box -
I am fulfilling
A deep and basic
A deep and inspired need
To rest awhile
And to be cool while
     Doing it

What a wonderful invention
This -
A box -
Whose sole reason
     For being
Is to produce
     Cool air.

Like that
I would like to produce
- for the people of this earth
Something Truely helpful
-Truely wonderful
It would be my gift
     To them
It would be my
My talent
My contribution
     To the collective
I would produce
A certain cool air
A certain savoir-faire
I would
     Bring down the light
Which would help their
Their plight of being trapped
By materialism
In material body and mind

This would be my
My gift
Probably no one
Would ever know -
But "they" say
It does matter -
     It clears the air
Makes people
     Less prone to fight
Makes available more

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Wandering Off

She forgot 
     To wear 
To the 
Country club
 - formal 
     Dance -
          (I heard) 

She used to be
     So stylish
     -so fine-

One time -
She was lost 
     Buying gas 
And had 
     To ask -
The way 
     Back home 

She almost stole 
     My boyfriend 

She was as good
     As that!

But no matter how 
We are ...
- Turquoise  Jaguar 
In the garage -
(She is still living 
     Across the street 
     From the beach 
With famous 

But, no matter what -
     There is this 
          Law ...

-won't go 
-cannot be 
          With -

That -

We all go 
     Away -
One day 

The game-board -
     This holographic 
          Video game -
Cannot really 
     Be won 

Some leave 
Some loudly -
Some wander off -

Some are welcomed 
     In -
The arms of 
     God -

And know 
The way 


I no longer have 
     An axe to grind. 
I gave up my axes 
     And my grinding wheel ...

The I that had these things 
Is becoming less 
     And less -
She is seeing 
     Some things 
As baggage 
Some others 
     As burdens 

Trouble and complications
To be avoided 

Now she needs 
     To give up 
Sugar and wheat 
Become neat

Good luck 
          That !

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Tango Will Miss Me

The Tango will 
     Miss me 
For I'll be 
With you 

A person can't do 
     Everything at once 
It seems 

We will be dancing 
The specific steps
Of correctness 
Not the 
Improvisational randomness 
Of the moment 

These people 
At this place 
Don't know 
How it can be done 
     A dance 
     With no steps and no beat 
     And only holding close 
          And feeling the heart beat 
What can this mean 
What can it be for 
     How could we sell it 
     For a profit 

And of course, 
That's the beauty 
     Of it 

Monday, September 1, 2014


Everyone seems to have 
Their own 

Wanting me to follow 
Theirs --

Even the six year old 
Who makes up rules 
To suit herself -
She let's herself win 
But not every time 
So as
Not to
Create suspicion -

She's too cute 
To say no to -
But someday someone 
Life itself will 
Have it's way -
It always does

And you -
Want me to be 
Someone special 
Someone perfect 
And I -
Just want to 
To hide -

The answer is 
A certain degree 
Of confidence 
I suppose -


Better hiding techniques 
-Smoke screens 
-Carefully covering 

Let the six year old compose 
-all the rules she wants to 
But you -
Will have to know 
That I'm not perfect 
Now -
And won't be -
Probably -

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Scrape, Scrape, Scrape

Teeth scraping 
How can this be right ? 
She puts on her blue gloves 
And cracks her knuckles 

I take a pill 

Scrape, scrape, scrape 
Say a mantra to myself 
Listen to oldies playing there 
Breath deeply 
Scrape, scrape, scrape
Visualize the third eye 
Feel the little Valium kick in 

Turn your head this way
Turn it that way 
Open mouth 
Close mouth 
Brush more often 
and floss 

I look out the window at the beautiful 
Ojai mountains
And eucalyptus trees

Why me ? 
Why am I stuck 
To this particular body 
And forced to feel its 
Pain ? 

Why isn't there a switch somewhere 
I can turn 
Off my connection to 

One which is not the final 
One which is not available 
Only once
And possibly 

Sometimes I envy those 
Never think
About it 
Those who never ask 
Such questions 
And don't 

And then she's done 
For awhile anyway

On the way home today 
I will have a donut 
That's what I'll do 
That will prove 
( nothing to anyone ) 
But it will taste so good 
- I'll have two -

Saturday, August 16, 2014


Sitting on the front porch
In my chair 
It's comfortable here 
Day is nice 
Not too hot 
Not too cold 
Beautiful breeze 
No obnoxious wind 
Neighbors are quiet 
No yelling today 

Sitting on my front porch 
Very zen 
Trouble is . . .

I know 

If I open that door,
That front door, 
There are things to do in there -

More things to get done 
Than I can possibly do -

Dishes probably sitting in the sink 
Waiting patiently 
To be washed 
Dust on things 
Waiting patiently to be 
Floors to sweep 
Stuff - to be . . .
     Something with ?
Not to mention paint and plaster and 
Other mysterious things 
Like backs of closets 
And bottoms of laundry bins 
( bin currently buried by 

And so I contemplate 
How long can I legitimately 
Stay here . . . ?

If I 
Camped out 
In the yard 
I would never 
Have to 
Go in there -

I have heard that 
Gypsies sometimes 
Do that 
Leave the house empty 
And live in the
Yard -
Excellent idea there -

The postman just came -
Delivering bills 
Ruining my 
Zen-like mood 
And I'm getting hungry -

Gee -



Tango dancing last evening 
Latte this morning 
One would think I lived in 
     Here . . .

Very scary and invasive 
Medical test coming up 
And how 
To pay for it ???

Paradise is balanced by 
     Other things 
So they say 
     Is the way -

Taoists believe 
That the center of things
Is the best place 
To be 

But the winds of change 
Blow a gale 

So to bend like 
And not to break
Would be the thing 
To do 

Within the moment 
Is contained 
The flitting butterfly 
The ocean breeze 
The lack of things 
To do 

The seasons change 
Is just 
Beginning here 
(Gotta get the old heater fixed) 
But I must remember this 
This moment 
This way of being 
Has more to recommend it 
Than most 

Thursday, August 14, 2014


Sitting In Lowes 
On their lawn furniture 
Padded nicely. 
Potted plants nearby 
Free wifi 
Air con. 
Nice music playing 
No complimentary coffee 
Probably just as well

Summer umbrellas 
     On sale 
And so it goes 
     Signs of autumn 
In the air. 

We do 
     What we can 
To get by. 

Monday, August 4, 2014


There's a sadness 
     To the air 
When you're not 

The air itself 
     Is melancholy -
It hasn't got you 
     To wrap itself 

And the ground -
It hasn't got you 
Walking on it -
It is lonely for your 

The chair 
Wonders where 
     You are 
The arms -
And the footrest -

The empty 
Wine glass 
On the shelf -

We all cry 
And listen to 
Andrea Bocelli 
Pour his heart out 
With symphonic 

I need 
Symphonic help here 
Some timpani 
Some conductor 
     To tell me what to do 
With such feelings  

I am new to the world 
     Of great 

dancing lessons

dancing lessons 
     at my age...
give me a break 
     i resist 
     i give myself all the reasons
     i don't want 
          to go 

some young 
thinks i'm going to remember 
     all of this??

but actually 
it's fun... 
     i surprise myself 
     with trying - 
this is something 
     i've never done 


been positive 

     type A
Telling me 
What To Do !!!

life would've been 

maybe if 
i hadn't fought 
-tooth and nail-

maybe i could have just 
gone with the flow 
once !

but then 


never met 
my mother 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

The Line

The line comes closer. 
God bless the line 
It is very fine 
A fine line 

It is the line between 
     Reality and dream
It is our sacred space 

If we drink too much 
     We have crossed the line 

If we believe 
     Too sincerely 
We have frozen the line 
     In time 

If we talk too much
     We can't listen 
At all 

If we are too silent
No one knows 
Who we are 

Maybe just 
As well . . .

Find the line 
In each instance 
There is an invisable
Boundary -
An invisable 
Direction -
Which turns 
At the border

There are border guards 


Monday, July 28, 2014

Community Garden

So now there's a community garden. . .
- And I can't get it done around here -
But it's up on a hill -
And so pretty 
And friends will 
Be there 

Oh my god! 
Community - that -
     Means people -
     "Other" people 
And I the hermit 
Will have to 
     Deal with 
People -
    " Other "
People -

I've never been 
     Good at this 
Not raised by people 
Who were any good at 
     It -

Isolation meant 
     Survival -
Distrust, hiding, and 

So now maybe 
I find another way -

I walk out my door -
- Fortify myself with 
     Starbucks -
And a cookie -
Oatmeal ( can't be all that bad 
     For ya ) 

I watch my paranoia
I wash it in the breeze 
On that hill 
Maybe I learn to trust 
Maybe I learn to 
     Let it go 

Maybe Mother Mary will 
     Come to Me
( Beatle's song, Let It Be ) 
I used to sing that in "church"
But she wouldn't let it be -
At all . . . 
Had to control everything 
Including my song -
So I left 

And now something 
They say. . .
The next thing comes 
For us to learn from 
And when we've learned 
It leaves 
Until we're done -
And then -

Get washed 

In the eternal breeze  . . .

Monday, July 21, 2014


"Man makes plans and 
The Gods laugh" 
So -
I must be a major 
Source of amusement 
     For them. 

Hopefully I'll get some credit 
For this . . . 

I had planned to be much more rich,
     Healthy, and beautiful 
Than this 


Dead by now 

Depending on what sort 
Of day it is 

Wondering "what the heck" 
Is wrong with this 

Knowing there are people 
In war torn countries 
And I am happy I'm not -
Still there is this yearning 
This unsettled way of wanting 
Something more 
Spiritual . . .

Eventhough I know how to 
Go there 
It takes doing 
"There in lies the rub"

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Flying Lessons

💖 I've done it again
Danced till my feet are sore
Reluctant going into it . . :
Then I can't stop
Don't want to
And won't
And I'm flying
And I'm dying when a partner
Won't or can't yet -
Let go to the music

Just stick to it
Your feet will learn
And then you have entrance to
The clouds
The winged feet of Apollo
(Wasn't he the one?)

Just come again to the dance
Keep smiling
Keep trying
And soon you will be
And never again
Be alone
Or bored

If only more people knew
It doesn't take rocket science
To know
How to dance with a
     Rocket scientist

It does take courage
To begin
And more courage
To continue
And more courage for guys
To lead-
But it's worth it

So few know
This secret
This magic carpet
Just move
Just go
Get your shoes
And learn
To fly

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


A moment of joy
Snatched from the jaws 
     Of fate 
Would the Gods 
     Begrudge us 

My favorite Tanguero 
      Is older 
      To the end 
It is only more 
       Poignant - more 
Of the oneness 
      Of fate
More of the last dance 
      On the Titanic 
The cold water is rising 
      Around our feet 

And we cling together 
      And dance the dance 
      Of lovers 
( Which we never have been 
And never will be )

The fates, even 
      The Gods 
Do not understand this -
     " Don't they know they 
      Have been condemned 
      To death ?"

-To die 
In each other's 
Arms . . .

To be human 
So fragile 
Temporary -
So alone 

Help me here -
To believe 
To understand
That there is some 
To understand
To cling 
To love 
To life -

This dance 
Brings in
The deepest parts 
      Of life -
Of love 
Of being here 
Of being Still -

Leave me alone 
With him 
For this dance 
At least 

He must hold me 
And I him -
We understand 
      Each other -

If only 
This moment 
Could last 
      -the world 
And all it's 
      -held at bay 

There is a heart connection 
In this dance 
Like in 
No other 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Back In The Box . . .

Where is the balance point ? 
Where is the emphasis ? 
All the puzzle pieces 
Will go 
Back in the box -
All our angst 
All our anger 
All our yearning 
All our manipulating 
All our climbing of mountains 
And fear 
And worry 
Will go 
Back In the box 
One day 

We will not be able to say
One damn thing About it 
Be done 

So it seems 
     If there 
Were something to 
     Concentrate on 
Which would not fade 
Which would not go 

Might that not be 
A better way 
To spend our time 

I'm just wondering 

Friday, July 4, 2014

Here's to Humidity !

Here's to humidity 
May it ever reign -
Will it ever rain
Sweat, sweat, sweat, 
Happy Fourth of July !
I never remember such 
It's global hotness -
Must be -
Combine this with 
Menopause -
Hot flashes -
And u have 
One long hot flash
For all of 
Sweat, sweat, sweat ! 

How can anyone 
Find the energy 
To do 
Today ?

No more war 
We r 2 hot! 
And dripping wet 
With sweat

No more Wall Street
Oh -
They have air conditioning 
That must be 
It !
Unnatural conditions 
Not putting the breaks on
Over arching 
Behavior patterns -

If they had to figure out 
How to rob us all
In these conditions 
They would just 
Call a halt and 
Call for 
Mint Julips
Lots and lots 
Mint Julips 

Would change 
If the boardrooms 


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Unsupported Browser

An unsupported
Browser -
Not being up on computer 
Jargon -
Is that a library patron 
Without a foundation 
Garment ?

Is it a shopper without 
An independent 

Is it me 
U ? 

Who will hold me 
Tonight at 
The Tango Milonga? 
I will be unsupported 

No strong and tall shoulders 
Upon which to 
No chest to lay my head 

Others will have 
To do 
Will not be 

What about our 
Moves ?
Those shoulder led turns 
And clever 
     Walk throughs

And the moves 
We steal 
     From other dances 
     And don't say . . .

Look the other 

The Tango Police 
Haven't been by here -

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Aliens among us
I do enjoy the internet-
Mindset . . .
What do we believe 
And who told us to - ?
Going to school 
After World War II 
-One only believed 
What "they" wanted us 
One knew that danger lurked 
Behind any 
We were judged and graded 
Upon our ability to 
Conform -
In body and mind 

Such conformity 
Was backed up
With Capital Punishment 
With capitals !

They could beat you at 
And beat you at 
Just for 
Good measure -

Fifties ladies might brag about 
Breaking the wooden spoon 
Or the pancake turner
On their male child's 
They might brag 
At church -
To each other 
It was the accepted thing 
The constant 

Of death

Add to that 
The birth of 
Television - to add to 
Newspapers and 

We have generations now 
Of those told 
What to do 
- go shopping!
Live between here 
The mall 
Go in debt
Pay interest


Friday, June 27, 2014


I have data 
I can write 

Verizon says so 

After the 25th 
Of the month 
U can again 
With friends -

Before that 
The cell phone becomes 
Quite useless -
Could use it as 
- a small square 
- a door stop for 
A mini door 
- not much else 

Did Shakespeare have such 
Problems ?
(Not comparing myself,
No way) 
But still- 
Hamlet would have 
Been on hold -
Romeo and Juliet 
Could have paused - 
Worked out their problems 
With the parents 
- married 
And been together long enough 
- get on each other's 

Little Romeos running around screaming 
Pulling baby Juliet's hair 
Older Juliet trying to 
Get the laundry done 
- over the stove -
Becoming frayed and older 
Reaching menopause -

See what delights 
The "verizon pause" in 

Out out damned spot 
Oh heck 
 - Got to go back to counseling 
Again ! 

King Lear would get shortened 
- as a play - 
Which would probably not 
Be a bad thing 

But now 
I must be gone 
For I have awaiting 
The dancing lesson 
Whether I would 
Or no . . .


U don't look at your cell phone 
     In the afternoon
I don't look at mine 
     In the morning 

U don't schedule things 
      Mid week
I don't schedule things 

This may be 
      The perfect 
Relationship . . .

U will tell the establishment 
What is wrong 
With it -
Straight up 
In their faces -
I -
Never say a 

Other than that 
We have so much 
In common 

Other than that 
We r just like twins 

(Or not) . . .

People can be 
Hard to figure 

I envy the hermits 
In the Himalayas 

But even they
Have to have someone 
Bring them food 
-All the time-

And what if they 
Don't like 
The menu ? 
Who could they complain to ?
They r supposed to b
By then. 

Wanting nothing 
Being nobody 
Nothing but 

Sunday, June 22, 2014


Thinkin' I had to 
Go someplace 
To get 

Somewhere else 

Now I begin 
To see 
That the place 
To go 
Is here -
To sit down 
Here -
And go 
Within -
This the fascinating , wonderful
Place -
Natives in costumes 
(Except for those of us
Who live here)
Cut off jeans, Hawaiian shirts 
Flip flops 

Fascinating native 
See how they live 
Some homeless 

Some surfing 
Some walking 

Verizon says 
I have used 75% of my 
Data plan 

Poetry loses to 
Practicality. . .

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Prince Harry asks, How Do You Do?

Interesting modern life this. . .
Who may read these words?
     If on Facebook 
It is assumed 
Anyone reads thousands of
To an innocent 

Buried somewhere there 
Is this. . .
The musings -
The Ramblings of 
A commoner 
In another country 
And one 
Ran away 
At that!

Now mother always said 
We were related to 
Fancy-pants people 
And she collected china 
And read a lot 
- That must count 
For something 

But I can't imagine 
The pressures of 
Any type of royalty 
I really cannot handle 
What I've got to deal with 
Right now 
And I hate people telling me 
What to do 
It would never do 
I maybe shouldn't have posted 
This answer 
To that 

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Unity. . .

Feeling better 
Maybe I'll live 
For a little while 
     At least 

Able to attack a shrub with 
     Pruning shears 
But then -
I must rest  

Looking forward to a 
     Tango or two 
When I 
     Meet up 
     With you 

If I can just 
Tango and 
I should be alright 
But already 
The bills are 
Coming in . . .

Getting sick in this 
Is not advised -

It is a crazy place 
Where some seem to get 
For free 
And others are robbed 

The middle class 
Is being beat-
With sticks 
Don't they want us 
To survive ?

Conspiracy theories 
Just look around 
And try to explain 
Where our freedom 
Has gone 

Where the bright ideas 
That built this country 
Have gone ???

Multinational unity -
one world government -
Global industry 
Doing what it pleases
Making slaves 
     Of us. 

Just don't rush -

I'm old enough to 
"I'll be dead by 

Wednesday, June 11, 2014


Life and death and 
My therapist says 
I have a phobia 

Why does not having been to a 
For fifteen years 
Constitute a phobia? 
Maybe it denotes 
     Common sense. 

They are 
The leading cause of 
( I read somewhere)

So now I must 
All their tests and 
Will cost a pretty penny 
     I know 

If I live, 
I will be eating little 
     And spending less 
Not quite a bag lady 
( God bless them) 

They gave me pills 
For my nerves
For my fear -
Is there a pill for 
Other things ?
A pill for 
     The angst of life 
I have angst -
Always have had 
A longing for the time 
     Before -
A strong remembering 
     Of a better time -
Wondering where Krishna is 
     And Christ 
Why have we been left here 
To face 
The pins and needles 
Of life -

Why do we believe 
So strongly 
That we live and die 
In these flimsy bodies 

Why don't we know 
We are light
And therefore cannot be 
Or folded or torn 

I know 
They are out to get me -
They are sharpening knives 
And swords 
As we speak 

Where did I put 
Those pills they 
Gave me. 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Rotten Machine

Having just poured my heart out
On this stupid thing 
- another rotten machine! - 
I push the wrong button and 
All my heart-felt musings disappear 
Like dust 

It was a long tome
About how I'm feeling 
And what I've been going 

Instead of pushing save 
I mistakenly pushed 
Go away 

Go away forever 
Don't bother us 
No one will ever 

Wouldn't it be wonderful 
If that's all it took -
Just write it 
Just relight it 
And then push 

We could write about our 
And make them 
Go away 

We could write about 
Our bills and our boyfriends 
And they would begin 
To behave 

Oh my 
Is there an app for that? 
The app for disposing of 
Problems and of pain. 

Is it free? 
It seems a little too
"Twilight Zone" to me -
Can you imagine what 
Rod Serling would have done 
With apps! 
And cell phones -
World wide webs -
And drones ?
Not to mention 
     Global warming 
Siri and 
And apples 

It begins to spin 
Out of control
Faster and 

Let's see if I can save this 
Without blasting it 
Into a black hole!!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014


Six months to live 
- what if they tell me that - ?
Am I just being paranoid 
Or preparing . . . 

I have always wondered what's 
On the other side 
Is it a river Styx 
A mount Olympus 
Some pearly gates 
Or a burning place 

Does the soul 
Hang together 
Or dissipate 
     Into space 
An eternal sleep ?
An eternal nightmare ?

The bliss and the white light 
Of God ?
The latter would, of course, 
Be preferable 
If we have any choice 

Monday, June 2, 2014

Worth Watching

Aliens among us -
The Internet is 
     A wonderful thing 
Crop circles 
And messages 
- conspiracies 

I had no idea 
Would come up 
Once the cable was 
Cut -
I do miss tv
And I'm sure it misses me 
I could channel surf 
     So well 
I had my standard pattern 
And many variations 
Default channels 
     To check 
And always up on 
     National news 
The numbers on the remote 
Were worn off
They call it a plug in drug 
And I said,
"So, that's a good thing, right?" 

But then the plumbing and 
The doctor's bills 
And a certain sense 
Of adventure - hit -
Without warning . . . 
Can I do this ? 
Can I live without ? 
There is no Star Trek 
There is no Dr Who 
What do I do 
If they come back on 

There are books and books 
Cluttering up 
Around here 
I could look in a book . . . 

I could contemplate 
The inner realms . . .

I could go visit a friend 
Who has 
Tv . . .

Are there any addiction programs 
For this -
Twelve steps 
Group therapy ?

There are times when 
One just 
Wants to forget
To be talked to and shown pictures 
Even if 
It's only old movies and 
     Car chases 
Why can't "they" manage 
     To be 
One can think of so many 
     Wonderful things 
That would be 
"Worth Watching"

Testing, Testing

Waiting. Waiting. 
Why does it take so much 
And now there's a child 
     In a stroller -
Why is there always 
     A child in a stroller 
     And why 
Do they always 
Sit by me ?

As I wait to 
If I live or die 
And how much trouble 
     It will be. 

In the old days 
Did not involve 

Pencil and paper
In those days -
But I would still
Worry mightily 

At least 
There is no studying 
For this -
No late nights 
Of panic 

But yes. 
Late nights of fear 
Of a different variety

Life and death 
Closer together 

It is destined 
To be so 
It is written 
It is the way it is
One cannot fight 

Friday, May 30, 2014

Old Hat

It was time for the gardening hat 
To die 
It was thrown 
     With regret 
On the campfire 
In the back garden

It had seen many days 
Of enjoyment and sunshine 
And some rain
It had shared the joys of the garden
The pains 

There was more sun getting through
Than shade being provided
The straws in the hat 
Had given their all 

And so like they do 
By the Ganges 
In India -
It went up in flames -
It's form remaining for 
     Quite some time -

An old friend 
A companion 
Gone -
It's essence to be scattered 
In the garden it helped 

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Dance

So tired of 
So ready to 
Just want 
     To be 

I can't become 
The one you want 
I am not her 
Please allow me 
To be 

But now -
What is this ?
Is he learning 
     To turn 
To lead 
     To walk 

     To tango ?

The gods laugh 
     That's what they do 
For now there is 
     No way 
Those tall shoulders 
     Can be left 
To chance 
     Now there is 
No way 
I cannot 
Dance - !

Sunday, May 25, 2014

after all

can't force it 
this muse 
where has she gone 
today ?

i guess there's nothing 
to say - 

these fragile bodies 
we think we're so special . . .
and we are 
I know we are !

just think about it 
won't you?
all this time and space 
exists - 
all these plants and trees 
to make oxygen 
for me ! 

yes, we mess it up 
here we 
     still are 

gravity holds us down -
which is created by 
the earth spinning round
or the fact that it's so big 
to begin with -
either way, 
     it's awesome   

the sun comes up 
the sun goes down 
without that 
where would we be?

who thought this up 
It wasn't me 
It was all built up
for us 

to experience 
these experiences 
of being human 
here and now

wants us to 

probably would like 
some thanks 

and then there's our 
connection to 

that's the most important 
it gives us a feeling of being 
and belonging 
and life 
and love
and light 

i guess the muse 
had something she 
wanted to say 

after all   

Sunday, May 18, 2014


I look around 
And I see no 
Zen flowers 
Anywhere  :-(

This being has not been 
The infinate 

This body 
Has been 
With fever 
For days -
Has been 

Don't want to 
This way -
Without the flowers -
The product 
Of contemplation -
The daisys of 
The roses of 
Heart felt 

The spice 
Of life 
Has been lacking 

What did Rumi do 
When he felt like 
***** ?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Waiting. . .

Waiting -
Waiting for lunch 
     Late lunch 
     U said u'd be here at 2:00
It's two 
And I'm hungry
What to do 

How late will u b ? 
Wait 10 min 
Or 15 
What's the rule ?
11 minutes 
Will have to do. 
I'm too hungry to
Wonder anymore
About the etiquette 
Of the situation . . .

And this is why 
A woman must have 
Her own money 
Can't depend 
On some people . . . 

You and your excuses 
I'm sure you'll have one 
I won't ask 
Being with u 
(And eating) 
Will be enough
To calm
The raging beastie
Inside the mind 
- looking for answers 
To Unfathomable 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


- - -
Global warming . . .
- - -
When I came here 
Thirty odd years ago 
We had summers of 
June gloom, 
May grey 
We never saw 
The sun 
It was a local joke 
Want sun? 
Drive to Ojai 
Twenty degrees difference 
Twenty miles away 
Bright sunshine. 

Something's changed 
It's hot, hot, hot 
And it's only 

We used to go to the beach 
On Christmas Day 
Just because we could 
It was our little ritual 
With family
So far flung 

Warmer then on Christmas 
Than in May 

Now it's just hot 
My garden doesn't know 
What to do 

Spring flowers 
Used to drippy fog 
Are wilting early 
I suppose we'll 
Adjust -
The outdoor shower 
Will be used to cool -
Indoors we'll adjust 

Old electrics barely support 
The little window box cooler
But it helps if 
One gets near enough 

Hot flashes have helped 
This one learn to tolerate 
Extremely warm 
Conditions -
Learn to sweat !
Even if genteel women aren't 
Supposed to 

No one told the 
Maker of 
Such a requirement 

But if it gets any hotter 
What then -
If food can't grow? 

Tonight I go 
To dance some tango 
It will be warm 
The doors will be open 
To the street 
Maybe much like 
Buenos Aires 

People walking by 
Look in with curiosity 
What is this foreign 
Scene ?
Americans dancing 
Just as if 
They knew 
How -
Americans enjoying
Embracing one another 
And moving with grace -
And you will arrive late 
And I anticipate 
Your particular embrace. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Bar be que

Old friends 
And new ones 
Bar be que ones 

Friend s 
What a special thing 
It is 
To get together 
Around an outdoor 
And sip wine and 
Talk of things 

-Get to know 
Some people 
From a different 

What do they do 
And how do they
do it?
What do they know 
How do they know it ? 

I get to see 
My life, my time,
My choices 
From some 
Other perspective 

I have chosen 
And life has chosen 
For me 

And I do 
The best 
I can 

Some have energy 
Some don't 
Some have courage and 
The ability 
To cope 

It's good to see -
To get to know 
And what their minds 
Are made of 

And where their hearts 
Have gotten 

Friday, May 9, 2014

No Small Thing !

Butterflies circling -
Playing in a spring garden 
Breeze cooling -
The hot flashes. 
The morning tea 
Brings on 

Freeway sounding distant 
Today -
I slept last night !
And dreamed of 
Many things. 
Workmen taking my 
House apart -
Eating it -
There was a dog 
On my lap 
At a race track 
Don't know what to think 
About that 
The man-friend was there -
But distant 

I have a friend who believes in 
Lucid dreaming 
I think I've done enough -
For one day -
And would rather not -
Dream at all 

Some say the butterfly dreams 
That It is a human sometimes 
Or that this world 
Is a dream 
And we will awake 
Some day -
The Buddha was awake 
And then had 
So much to say 
About it -

I'm tired of talking 
I have existential fatigue -
Along with being 
Old -

But I can give thanks 
For this shade 
And this way 
Of being today 

Nothing hurts 
I have food 
And a place to stay -

The hummingbird comes 
Curious -
And several types of 

If I were a painter 
I would paint 
- today- 
As such -
I am thankful 
I am not -
What a lot of bother 
With brushes and tubes 
Of paint 

I am only compelled to 
Try to describe -
In words 
The glory of 

No small thing!


Sleep -
It is a mystery 
To me 

This afternoon - late 
I lay down for a moment 
And hours passed 
- no one could have separated me 
From that 
What comfort - 
     What bliss 
What an opiate!

But now I wait 
     Late at night
For the idea to dawn again 
For the sleepiness 
     To descend 
Knowing that it's so 
To the quality of 
My life tomorrow 

Fiddling with Facebook 
Looking up old "x's"
Feeling wonderful 
That I can -
That there is no parent 
No overseer -
To say 
Anything -
What luxury 
It may not seem like much 
But from an  over controlled 
I still run -
I am rebelling here 
Staying up till 
Hiding from 

It will all be there tomorrow 
The lists 
Are still long 
I check off one or two things 
In a dulsitory fashion -
Until the next emergency arises 
And takes presidence 

But sleep 
(Which is what this was
Supposed to be about) 
Is no where to be found 
No where around 

As we get older 
It gets more complex 
Some nights - awake 
All night 
For no apparent reason
The sheer cussedness 
     Of life 
The more we fight and try 
To sleep 
The further away 
It drifts 
Anger doesn't help 
Murdering helpless pillows 
Beating on them 
Cursing - 
At three or four in the morning 
Is probably 
Counter productive -
Not in the 
"Sleep therapy"

Was that a yawn? 
The beginnings of a possibility 
Of a return 
To the blessed state 
Of non-existence ? 

One can but try . . .


Dodged a few bullets 
Lately -
Thanking the gods 
For that -
Waiting for the next ones -
Knowing they'll come. 
Also knowing that - that's 

Obviously ordained 
To be that way 
And therefore 
Somehow sacred
No matter how much "i"
Do not approve. 

This evening about 
The incredible conduct of 
Very "x"
How could they imagine that 
Cruelty and jealousy are
Appropriate -

Don't they know 
It all comes back 
On us -
Our hearts are closed 
To the extent 
We close them 
To others 

I suppose they mean 
To hurt us 
Because they 
Have been hurt 

Forgive and forget 
Forgive and forget 

Should have all been done 
By now 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


Jury duty ---
Save me please !
Boredom has descended 
With palpable palpability

Someone should study this 
Some scientific research is needed 
When people refuse to do this 
Our civilization is through 
It will have crumbled into 
Dust -

This one guy here 
Can sleep 
Sitting up
Why is it guys 
Can do that ?
And I can't. 

My friend will descend
Into dreams 
In the middle of something important 
I'm saying
And awake apologetically 
When I'm done -

As I was saying,
Our civilization 
Will be done -
When we don't allow "them"
To treat us 
This way -
To coral us 
To imprison us 
- For just the day 
So that we may decide 
Which others of us 
Must be imprisioned -
Where they can get 
Free food and lodging 
Paid for by us 

There is a logic here 
I sure of it 

I'm almost 
Certain that this 
Makes sense to someone 
In the great halls 

Sunday, May 4, 2014


He's been to the jungle 
He's taken the drugs 
Led by shamans
He's seen the inside of his head 

Now, one would hope, 
Some knowledge of 
     The heart 
Might be 
That the sky might 
     Open up 

That he might see the heart 
-The spiritual connection 
With -

There is no explanation for 
What he's done 
What he's seen 
But the size of the bugs 
Was obscene . . .

Am I jealous that some people 
Have the health 
To travel ?

I suppose . . .

But from what I've been told 
The greatest journey 
Is within -
The greatest test of courage 
Is to meet ourselves 
In silence 
And let God come in 
And be our friend