after all

can't force it 
this muse 
where has she gone 
today ?

i guess there's nothing 
she 
wants 
to say - 

these fragile bodies 
we think we're so special . . .
and we are 
I know we are !

just think about it 
won't you?
all this time and space 
exists - 
all these plants and trees 
to make oxygen 
for me ! 

yes, we mess it up 
but 
here we 
     still are 

gravity holds us down -
which is created by 
the earth spinning round
or the fact that it's so big 
to begin with -
either way, 
     it's awesome   

the sun comes up 
the sun goes down 
without that 
where would we be?

who thought this up 
It wasn't me 
It was all built up
for us 

to experience 
these experiences 
of being human 
here and now

someone 
obviously, 
wants us to 

probably would like 
some thanks 
too 

and then there's our 
connection to 

that's the most important 
thing 
it gives us a feeling of being 
and belonging 
and life 
and love
and light 

i guess the muse 
had something she 
wanted to say 

after all   

Rumi

I look around 

And I see no 

Zen flowers 

Anywhere  :-(

This being has not been 

Contacting 

The infinate 

Lately 

This body 

Has been 

Sic

With fever 

For days -

Inspiration 

Has been 

Lacking 

I 

Don't want to 

Be 

This way -

Without the flowers -

The product 

Of contemplation -

The daisys of 

Devotion 

The roses of 

Heart felt 

Connection

The spice 

Of life 

Has been lacking 

What did Rumi do 

When he felt like 

***** ?

Waiting. . .

Waiting -

Waiting for lunch 

     Late lunch 

     U said u'd be here at 2:00

It's two 

And I'm hungry

What to do 

??

How late will u b ? 

Wait 10 min 

Or 15 

What's the rule ?

11 minutes 

Will have to do. 

I'm too hungry to

Wonder anymore

About the etiquette 

Of the situation . . .

And this is why 

A woman must have 

Her own money 

Can't depend 

On some people . . . 

You and your excuses 

I'm sure you'll have one 

I won't ask 

Being with u 

(And eating) 

Will be enough

To calm

The raging beastie

Inside the mind 

- looking for answers 

To Unfathomable 

Subjects 

Embrace

- - -

Global warming . . .

- - -

When I came here 

Thirty odd years ago 

We had summers of 

Fog 

June gloom, 

May grey 

We never saw 

The sun 

It was a local joke 

Want sun? 

Drive to Ojai 

Twenty degrees difference 

Twenty miles away 

Bright sunshine. 

Now 

Something's changed 

It's hot, hot, hot 

And it's only 

May 

We used to go to the beach 

On Christmas Day 

Just because we could 

It was our little ritual 

With family

So far flung 

Warmer then on Christmas 

Than in May 

Now it's just hot 

My garden doesn't know 

What to do 

Spring flowers 

Used to drippy fog 

Are wilting early 

I suppose we'll 

Adjust -

The outdoor shower 

Will be used to cool -

Indoors we'll adjust 

Old electrics barely support 

The little window box cooler

But it helps if 

One gets near enough 

Hot flashes have helped 

This one learn to tolerate 

Extremely warm 

Conditions -

Learn to sweat !

Even if genteel women aren't 

Supposed to 

No one told the 

Maker of 

Such a requirement 

But if it gets any hotter 

What then -

If food can't grow? 

Tonight I go 

To dance some tango 

It will be warm 

The doors will be open 

To the street 

Maybe much like 

Buenos Aires 

People walking by 

Look in with curiosity 

What is this foreign 

Scene ?

Americans dancing 

Together 

Just as if 

They knew 

How -

Americans enjoying

Embracing one another 

And moving with grace -

And you will arrive late 

And I anticipate 

Your particular embrace. 

Bar be que

Old friends 

And new ones 

Bar be que ones 

Friend s 

What a special thing 

It is 

To get together 

Around an outdoor 

Fire

And sip wine and 

Talk of things 

-Get to know 

Some people 

From a different 

World 

What do they do 

And how do they

do it?

What do they know 

And 

How do they know it ? 

I get to see 

My life, my time,

My choices 

From some 

Other perspective 

I have chosen 

And life has chosen 

For me 

And I do 

The best 

I can 

Some have energy 

Some don't 

Some have courage and 

The ability 

To cope 

It's good to see -

To get to know 

Others 

And what their minds 

Are made of 

And where their hearts 

Have gotten 

To

No Small Thing !

Butterflies circling -

Playing in a spring garden 

Breeze cooling -

The hot flashes. 

The morning tea 

Brings on 

Freeway sounding distant 

Today -

I slept last night !

And dreamed of 

Many things. 

Workmen taking my 

House apart -

Termites 

Eating it -

There was a dog 

On my lap 

At a race track 

Don't know what to think 

About that 

The man-friend was there -

But distant 

I have a friend who believes in 

Lucid dreaming 

I think I've done enough -

For one day -

And would rather not -

Dream at all 

Some say the butterfly dreams 

That It is a human sometimes 

Or that this world 

Is a dream 

And we will awake 

Some day -

The Buddha was awake 

And then had 

So much to say 

About it -

I'm tired of talking 

I have existential fatigue -

Along with being 

Old -

But I can give thanks 

For this shade 

And this way 

Of being today 

Nothing hurts 

I have food 

And a place to stay -

The hummingbird comes 

Around 

Curious -

And several types of 

Butterfly's 

Play 

If I were a painter 

I would paint 

- today- 

As such -

I am thankful 

I am not -

What a lot of bother 

With brushes and tubes 

Of paint 

I am only compelled to 

Try to describe -

In words 

The glory of 

Spring 

No small thing!

Sleep

Sleep -

It is a mystery 

To me 

This afternoon - late 

I lay down for a moment 

And hours passed 

- no one could have separated me 

From that 

What comfort - 

     What bliss 

What an opiate!

But now I wait 

     Late at night

For the idea to dawn again 

For the sleepiness 

     To descend 

Knowing that it's so 

     Necessary 

To the quality of 

My life tomorrow 

Fiddling with Facebook 

Looking up old "x's"

Feeling wonderful 

That I can -

That there is no parent 

No overseer -

To say 

Anything -

Ah 

What luxury 

It may not seem like much 

But from an  over controlled 

Childhood 

I still run -

I am rebelling here 

Staying up till 

One  

Hiding from 

Responsibility 

It will all be there tomorrow 

The lists 

Are still long 

I check off one or two things 

In a dulsitory fashion -

Until the next emergency arises 

And takes presidence 

But sleep 

(Which is what this was

Supposed to be about) 

Is no where to be found 

No where around 

As we get older 

It gets more complex 

Some nights - awake 

All night 

For no apparent reason

Just 

The sheer cussedness 

     Of life 

The more we fight and try 

To sleep 

The further away 

It drifts 

Anger doesn't help 

Murdering helpless pillows 

Beating on them 

Cursing - 

At three or four in the morning 

Is probably 

Counter productive -

Not in the 

"Sleep therapy"

Curriculum 

Was that a yawn? 

The beginnings of a possibility 

Of a return 

To the blessed state 

Of non-existence ? 

One can but try . . .