what

• what 
• am I doing 
• here
• I 
• ask myself 

this whole thing 

about living... 

waiting 

where do we go next? 

and 

how do we prepare? 

everyone has answers 

if we only can 

believe 

money- 

faith- 

running around- 

and 

doing things! 

-old enough to know the 

meaninglessness 

the 

angst 

but still 

having the faith 

that it is 

"meant to be" 

or 

it wouldn't be 

God 

wants it this way 

or 

She would change it 

the spark of joy within 

where is it 

where did it go 

i'd 

better go find it 

because I 

miss it 

when it's gone 

apres

been there
done that
back home now
now is the time
to pay for it all

occupy Wall Street
I am with you

now the bill is coming due
and the property taxes too

they never leave us alone
never let us settle

never let us own anything
and even if we think we do
the feds charge rent
just like landlords too

and now after a journey
I push the door open
against the stacks of bills
and junk mail there
on the floor

and he
is still here
and misbehaving
I need an occupy demonstration
to straighten
out my relationship
I can only run so far
so long
and then something

   must be done

retreat

it's raining today
at the retreat
it's so sweet
for a city kid
to hear rain
   coming down
   through tall trees
   really tall pines

earlier...
herds of wild turkeys
walking the meadow
like small grazing dinosaurs
in the Jurassic

the people here
have left the world
for good

still they go into town
   sometimes
some of the old timers think
   it really ruined the place
   when they got electricity
   and paved the roads

some folks think they're crazy
some think it's cult-like
I come up here
   not to think
and to leave the cult of
   TV and fast food and freeways
for awhile

God and Goddess bless them
for providing a place for peace
a place to look within
a place to access the eternal stream
of energy, light, and bliss
and joy
:-)

retreat

lots of planning
goes into
leaving

leaving
in order to
retreat

no one understands
why
i
do this

why not go someplace
     exciting
they say
why not
     take
     me ????

it's the trees
     you see
and the space
and the time-
     time
     not to speak
     not to think
or
     to speak and think
of God
     while walking
     among trees

it is difficult
to explain
even
to me

there's something about
being among
ones own kind
people who believe
that God is real
and can be seen
people who speak ones own language
people trying to see
trying to connect
trying to find
their own hearts
and their connection
with the larger heart of God

it's not so easy sometimes
it's not really like a vacation
     -with fine wine and windsurfing-
it's more like diving deep
     within
to find
     -what's in there- 

live and learn

you'd think
I'd know by now. . .
    What?

    lots of stuff
  
zen says I should
    know less and less
each day

the Tao of
    not much

trying to simplify
    in this country
is like trying to
    comb your hair
    in the wind

it should be easy
    but it's not

not only is there lots
    of stuff-
    and things

but lots of emotions
    and ideas and opinions
which need to be cleared
out
of the attic
of the mind

the mind
it is a tricky thing
it locks the door sometimes
the attic door of the mind

sort of like hoarders
only mental
-very mental

and emotions
don't even get me started
with that

where is my zen
the zen of the broom
the sweeping motion
of the truly enlightened
that is what is needed here...

72 virgins

We are all in this together

Someday

We all will 

die

Why fill this

time 

with hatred and war 

Why not fill it

with

Joy

Why not study 

this

in preparation for 

Living the rest of our days

here

upon the ground 

before we 

learn to fly 

Which we have been promised 

by so many 

great religions 

and the keys to the 

Great Gate

In The Sky 

and 

the 72 Virgins. . . 

It will be so 

MUCH FUN!

We can

make several

softball teams 

Maybe there will be horses 

and we can ride 

in a great group together 

and my favorite horse 

will be there 

-and all the dogs and cats 

(and cars)

I've ever had

Forget the ex-boyfriends

OK?

We're all Virgins 

-by the way-

never knowing heartbreak 

or 

intimidation 

Able to ride 

bareback at a gallop 

through green pastures 

with no 

stinky boys 

throwing rocks

or firecrackers 

No word of maturity 

no babies 

no swelling up 

and giving birth 

HEY

it all ends 

right here 

-a quarter horse 

and 72 girlfriends 

to giggle with

and laugh 

and twitter 

our time 

away

freedom

it is so important
    this
the ability to be
who I am
where I am
-in my own time
-my own place

freedom

it is a treasure
a pearl of great price

some friends don't understand
they want you to be tied up
     like they are

how dare you be free
     (maybe it scares them)

it is also a mental thing
     maybe that's the hardest part

freedom from my own programming
which was done by
Machiavellian people
They tried to turn me into some sort of
Machine
which they could control
ok
I'm not so opposed to this
but now I have a little time
to be myself
to find myself
whatever they have left me
after their try at TOTAL control

slipping through the cracks in their reality
not believing absolutely everything
looking at believing
as a questionable activity
based on centuries of civilization

how can we even begin
to think that we are free

but isn't that what this place
America
is all about
anyway ?