What Have I Done?

what have I done 
     this time... ?
I try to do things right 
but somehow lose sight 
somehow stumble out
run back in and try 
     again 

my friend says 
     "grow up"
but what about my dedication 
to Mr Pan and Never, Never Land ?

there are certain things 
that saved us 
growing up alone 
certain things that helped us 
     survive 
that troubled 
     time 

But now they expect me to 
     be 
     adult about it... 

Poo I say 
Begone 
Go Away 

and I have something 
else to say- 

The Tao 
that cannot be played with 
     is not the true 
     Tao     :)       . . .

Sweet torture, Blessed torment...

Sweet torture 
     Blessed torment 
The touch of his hand 
     The look, the smile 

Oh that smile-
     Driving the dagger
     Deeper-

Mercilessly-
     like the tide-
          like the moon,
               revolving-

larger - by far 
     
    than 
          
          I 
               am

The Velvet Net

The Velvet Net 
     descends 
          bit by bit
I can feel it- 
     one soft rope 
          at a time 

Surrounding- 
     astounding...

Every door he opens 
     for me 
each small, loving, 
     consideration 
Brings me 
     one step closer 
     to complete 
          annihilation.

Who knew 
     such small things
Were designed 
     by them, the men,
     to accomplish 
          such things- 
To cast this net- 
     laced with hopes 
     and dreams. 

The last one 
     nearly destroyed me 
     I feared for my life
          -literally-

This one may destroy me too 
     in another way- 
     a better way-


I anticipate 
     
     my destruction...

India

The Statistics say...

I had a reader from India 
  today 

mother India 
...a place I have 
never been 

except, of course, 
in spirit- 
Ramakrishna, Yogananda 
Thank you, 
so very much 
for coming here... 

and the Beatles too 
for you see, 
without you,
I never would have known
The Bliss, The Peace, 
The Presence.

Back in the day 
long ago 
and far away. 

I was searching 
     for God 
Looking here, there 
and everywhere... 

The Beatles had been 
to see 
the Maharishi 
and so 

I got my flower 
and my thirty-five dollars 
(a lot of money to me, at the time)
and a pretty white-brand new hankie

I still remember that room 
with drapes and quietness 
with incense and kind people present 
and when I meditated with them 
there was this pin-point of light 
way down within my presence 

and almost a sound 
like a little clear bell 
and a feeling 
like being home again 
after so long 
away 

Well that was a long time ago - now -
but I will always thank John, Paul, George, and Ringo 
     for making it so 
for without their publicity 
I'm sure the local chapter of the TM folks 
would never have been

I was so young 
The parents wouldn't let me 
     drive at night 
So Dad went with me 
     But he never went in 
Just sat in the lobby 
     patiently 

I didn't know then 
How special that was 
     or how kind 
We don't always know 
     when we're young... 

But now I formally thank you, father,
     for doing such a thing 
I'm sure you had to work 
     the next day- 

You enabled me 
     to begin a journey 
(I knew Mom would never 
     let me go to India-then)

Full circle 
     it seems 
If life is a dream 
     -Mine is getting better 
          of late 

and it all comes back 
     to that- 
That little white light 
     which has grown bright 
And now 
     is the love 
     Of my life 

Thank you 
India 

Time

Waiting for inspiration
     to strike...

Day all planned
     looking forward to-
Then that
     didn't come through-

What to do
     what to do

Our time
     it is
          a precious thing


All around
     the world
each and every one of us
     only has
          so much
               of it

Not getting any sleep
     contributes too
Lying awake
     thinking of you
          and him
     and you
          again

Oh dear
     What have I done-
          again
               this time

Speaking of
     time...









 

'SHEEPS" AND WOLVES

I never understand
how the supposed leader
of a spiritual organization
can be, in fact,
so very
unspiritual...

Was it just something you wanted
     to do in your spare time?
Was it something to build the "crystal cathedral"
     and make money?

Doesn't it say we're to
     "Gather up our treasure in heaven,
     where there are no moths or thieves"?
I am at a loss...
I always have such high hopes
and such belief

-that what people say
     might be what they mean
-that it's all for the best
-that all people are pure...
     in their heart of hearts

and so
     this might be my lesson
in all of this...

get real-
the world is what it is-
and "sheeps"
    and wolves
can switch their outfits
and play dress up
as much as
they want



 

happy friggin' birthday

and so
we've had
another birthday
What's to celebrate?
-The body's one year
     older
but it's hanging
     in there...

it's very zen to say
I'm not this body, not this mind

-and we cause all our
     karma
With our raggedy thinking
     and impure mind

I cannot say
but I can
     meditate
and watch it all go away

to be replaced
with bliss
and calm

that's my favorite
     thing-
I must admit
I can no more
     hide it-
my love for this

hidden from myself
-by-myself
for so many years
How long will I go on
pretending
-that I exist-

existential by all accounts
mystical
     out of all proportion
to this reality

I watch TV
and am amazed at what
     it thinks is so deadly
important

this culture
this modernity
this craziness
     -I hide
but not like I used to
     -in negativity

no

now it's more like
birthdays
They come
and go
and maybe we get a present
or a card
or two

but we have no choice
the body gets older
the world gets crazier
...it is, as it is...

I've been known to buy myself
-a present
-a consolation
     prize-

I've put up with it all
     for another year
I'm beginning to
     figure it out-
The great mystery-
The Whichness of What!

The Answer is...
     there is no Question.

and no one
     to ask it-