Angst

Life and death and 

     Doctors 

My therapist says 

I have a phobia 

Why does not having been to a 

Dr 

For fifteen years 

Constitute a phobia? 

Maybe it denotes 

     Common sense. 

They are 

The leading cause of 

     Death 

( I read somewhere)

So now I must 

     Go

All their tests and 

     Triangulations 

Will cost a pretty penny 

     I know 

If I live, 

I will be eating little 

     And spending less 

Not quite a bag lady 

     Yet 

( God bless them) 

They gave me pills 

For my nerves

For my fear -

Is there a pill for 

Other things ?

A pill for 

     The angst of life 

I have angst -

Always have had 

A longing for the time 

     Before -

A strong remembering 

     Of a better time -

Wondering where Krishna is 

     And Christ 

Why have we been left here 

To face 

The pins and needles 

Of life -

Alone? 

Why do we believe 

So strongly 

That we live and die 

In these flimsy bodies 

Why don't we know 

We are light

And therefore cannot be 

Cut 

Or folded or torn 

I know 

They are out to get me -

They are sharpening knives 

And swords 

As we speak 

So-

Where did I put 

Those pills they 

Gave me. 

Rotten Machine

Having just poured my heart out

On this stupid thing 

- another rotten machine! - 

I push the wrong button and 

All my heart-felt musings disappear 

Like dust 

It was a long tome

About how I'm feeling 

Now 

And what I've been going 

Through 

Instead of pushing save 

I mistakenly pushed 

Go away 

Go away forever 

Don't bother us 

No one will ever 

Know 

Wouldn't it be wonderful 

If that's all it took -

Just write it 

Just relight it 

And then push 

Disappear 

We could write about our 

Troubles

And make them 

Go away 

We could write about 

Our bills and our boyfriends 

And they would begin 

To behave 

Oh my 

Is there an app for that? 

The app for disposing of 

Problems and of pain. 

Is it free? 

It seems a little too

"Twilight Zone" to me -

Can you imagine what 

Rod Serling would have done 

With apps! 

And cell phones -

World wide webs -

And drones ?

Not to mention 

     Global warming 

Siri and 

Googles

And apples 

It begins to spin 

Out of control

Faster and 

Faster 

Let's see if I can save this 

Without blasting it 

Into a black hole!!!

Doctors

Six months to live 

- what if they tell me that - ?

Am I just being paranoid 

Or preparing . . . 

I have always wondered what's 

On the other side 

Is it a river Styx 

A mount Olympus 

Some pearly gates 

Or a burning place 

Does the soul 

Hang together 

Or dissipate 

     Into space 

An eternal sleep ?

An eternal nightmare ?

The bliss and the white light 

Of God ?

The latter would, of course, 

Be preferable 

If we have any choice 

Worth Watching

Aliens among us -

The Internet is 

     A wonderful thing 

Crop circles 

And messages 

- conspiracies 

I had no idea 

What 

Would come up 

Once the cable was 

Cut -

I do miss tv

And I'm sure it misses me 

I could channel surf 

     So well 

I had my standard pattern 

And many variations 

Default channels 

     To check 

And always up on 

     National news 

The numbers on the remote 

Were worn off

They call it a plug in drug 

And I said,

"So, that's a good thing, right?" 

But then the plumbing and 

The doctor's bills 

And a certain sense 

Of adventure - hit -

Without warning . . . 

Can I do this ? 

Can I live without ? 

There is no Star Trek 

There is no Dr Who 

What do I do 

If they come back on 

     Again? 

There are books and books 

Cluttering up 

Around here 

I could look in a book . . . 

I could contemplate 

The inner realms . . .

I could go visit a friend 

Who has 

Tv . . .

Are there any addiction programs 

For this -

Twelve steps 

Group therapy ?

There are times when 

One just 

Wants to forget

To be talked to and shown pictures 

Even if 

It's only old movies and 

     Car chases 

Why can't "they" manage 

     To be 

      "Creative" 

One can think of so many 

     Wonderful things 

That would be 

"Worth Watching"

Testing, Testing

Waiting. Waiting. 

Why does it take so much 

     Waiting. 

And now there's a child 

     In a stroller -

Why is there always 

     A child in a stroller 

     And why 

Do they always 

Sit by me ?

As I wait to 

Determine 

If I live or die 

And how much trouble 

     It will be. 

Tests 

In the old days 

Did not involve 

Blood 

Pencil and paper

In those days -

But I would still

Worry mightily 

At least 

There is no studying 

For this -

No late nights 

Of panic 

But yes. 

Late nights of fear 

Of a different variety

Life and death 

Draw

Closer together 

It is destined 

To be so 

It is written 

It is the way it is

One cannot fight 

     Progress!

Old Hat

It was time for the gardening hat 

To die 

It was thrown 

     With regret 

On the campfire 

In the back garden

Last 

Evening 

It had seen many days 

Of enjoyment and sunshine 

And some rain

It had shared the joys of the garden

And 

The pains 

There was more sun getting through

Than shade being provided

The straws in the hat 

Had given their all 

And so like they do 

By the Ganges 

In India -

It went up in flames -

It's form remaining for 

     Quite some time -

Burning 

An old friend 

A companion 

Gone -

It's essence to be scattered 

In the garden it helped 

Water

The Dance

So tired of 

     Relationship

So ready to 

     Leave 

Just want 

     To be 

Done 

I can't become 

The one you want 

I am not her 

Please allow me 

To 

Escape 

To be 

     Free

But now -

What is this ?

Is he learning 

     To turn 

To lead 

     To walk 

     To tango ?

The gods laugh 

     That's what they do 

For now there is 

     No way 

Those tall shoulders 

     Can be left 

To chance 

     Now there is 

No way 

I cannot 

Dance - !