Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Angst

Life and death and 
     Doctors 
My therapist says 
I have a phobia 

Why does not having been to a 
Dr 
For fifteen years 
Constitute a phobia? 
Maybe it denotes 
     Common sense. 

They are 
The leading cause of 
     Death 
( I read somewhere)

So now I must 
     Go
All their tests and 
     Triangulations 
Will cost a pretty penny 
     I know 

If I live, 
I will be eating little 
     And spending less 
Not quite a bag lady 
     Yet 
( God bless them) 

They gave me pills 
For my nerves
For my fear -
Is there a pill for 
Other things ?
A pill for 
     The angst of life 
I have angst -
Always have had 
A longing for the time 
     Before -
A strong remembering 
     Of a better time -
Wondering where Krishna is 
     And Christ 
Why have we been left here 
To face 
The pins and needles 
Of life -
Alone? 

Why do we believe 
So strongly 
That we live and die 
In these flimsy bodies 

Why don't we know 
We are light
And therefore cannot be 
Cut 
Or folded or torn 

I know 
They are out to get me -
They are sharpening knives 
And swords 
As we speak 

So-
Where did I put 
Those pills they 
Gave me. 



Thursday, June 5, 2014

Rotten Machine

Having just poured my heart out
On this stupid thing 
- another rotten machine! - 
I push the wrong button and 
All my heart-felt musings disappear 
Like dust 

It was a long tome
About how I'm feeling 
Now 
And what I've been going 
Through 

Instead of pushing save 
I mistakenly pushed 
Go away 

Go away forever 
Don't bother us 
No one will ever 
Know 

Wouldn't it be wonderful 
If that's all it took -
Just write it 
Just relight it 
And then push 
Disappear 

We could write about our 
Troubles
And make them 
Go away 

We could write about 
Our bills and our boyfriends 
And they would begin 
To behave 

Oh my 
Is there an app for that? 
The app for disposing of 
Problems and of pain. 

Is it free? 
It seems a little too
"Twilight Zone" to me -
Can you imagine what 
Rod Serling would have done 
With apps! 
And cell phones -
World wide webs -
And drones ?
Not to mention 
     Global warming 
Siri and 
Googles
And apples 

It begins to spin 
Out of control
Faster and 
Faster 

Let's see if I can save this 
Without blasting it 
Into a black hole!!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Doctors

Six months to live 
- what if they tell me that - ?
Am I just being paranoid 
Or preparing . . . 

I have always wondered what's 
On the other side 
Is it a river Styx 
A mount Olympus 
Some pearly gates 
Or a burning place 

Does the soul 
Hang together 
Or dissipate 
     Into space 
An eternal sleep ?
An eternal nightmare ?

The bliss and the white light 
Of God ?
The latter would, of course, 
Be preferable 
If we have any choice 



Monday, June 2, 2014

Worth Watching

Aliens among us -
The Internet is 
     A wonderful thing 
Crop circles 
And messages 
- conspiracies 

I had no idea 
What 
Would come up 
Once the cable was 
Cut -
I do miss tv
And I'm sure it misses me 
I could channel surf 
     So well 
I had my standard pattern 
And many variations 
Default channels 
     To check 
And always up on 
     National news 
The numbers on the remote 
Were worn off
They call it a plug in drug 
And I said,
"So, that's a good thing, right?" 

But then the plumbing and 
The doctor's bills 
And a certain sense 
Of adventure - hit -
Without warning . . . 
Can I do this ? 
Can I live without ? 
There is no Star Trek 
There is no Dr Who 
What do I do 
If they come back on 
     Again? 

There are books and books 
Cluttering up 
Around here 
I could look in a book . . . 

I could contemplate 
The inner realms . . .

I could go visit a friend 
Who has 
Tv . . .

Are there any addiction programs 
For this -
Twelve steps 
Group therapy ?

There are times when 
One just 
Wants to forget
To be talked to and shown pictures 
Even if 
It's only old movies and 
     Car chases 
Why can't "they" manage 
     To be 
      "Creative" 
One can think of so many 
     Wonderful things 
That would be 
"Worth Watching"


Testing, Testing

Waiting. Waiting. 
Why does it take so much 
     Waiting. 
And now there's a child 
     In a stroller -
Why is there always 
     A child in a stroller 
     And why 
Do they always 
Sit by me ?

As I wait to 
Determine 
If I live or die 
And how much trouble 
     It will be. 

Tests 
In the old days 
Did not involve 
Blood 

Pencil and paper
In those days -
But I would still
Worry mightily 

At least 
There is no studying 
For this -
No late nights 
Of panic 

But yes. 
Late nights of fear 
Of a different variety

Life and death 
Draw
Closer together 

It is destined 
To be so 
It is written 
It is the way it is
One cannot fight 
     Progress!

Friday, May 30, 2014

Old Hat

It was time for the gardening hat 
To die 
It was thrown 
     With regret 
On the campfire 
In the back garden
Last 
Evening 

It had seen many days 
Of enjoyment and sunshine 
And some rain
It had shared the joys of the garden
And 
The pains 

There was more sun getting through
Than shade being provided
The straws in the hat 
Had given their all 

And so like they do 
By the Ganges 
In India -
It went up in flames -
It's form remaining for 
     Quite some time -
Burning 

An old friend 
A companion 
Gone -
It's essence to be scattered 
In the garden it helped 
Water

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Dance

So tired of 
     Relationship
So ready to 
     Leave 
Just want 
     To be 
Done 

I can't become 
The one you want 
I am not her 
Please allow me 
To 
Escape 
To be 
     Free

But now -
What is this ?
Is he learning 
     To turn 
To lead 
     To walk 

     To tango ?

The gods laugh 
     That's what they do 
For now there is 
     No way 
Those tall shoulders 
     Can be left 
To chance 
     Now there is 
No way 
I cannot 
Dance - !